January Nelson

Do I text you? Do I DM you? Do I tweet @ you? Do I DARE call you? You’ve called me a few times in the past and I remember feeling so shocked and delighted when I saw your name on the screen. I thought to myself, “This man has balls! He must really like me!”

Something shifted and all of a sudden there were no more potential + 1’s. It’s been two years now and I feel like I’m experiencing some kind of amnesia. I’m forgetting how I ever was with someone.

Some people aren’t good at doing sports or have trouble understanding how to do math. Maybe this is my weak spot. Maybe I just legitimately don’t know how to be in a relationship with someone.

Every relationship is a unique, special snowflake – until it dissolves. Then its contents are reduced to cliché-riddled proclamations and accusations. Breakups bring the crappy screenwriter out in all of us.

Otherwise, while partygoers are known to follow a BYOB rule or find a cheap bodega nearby if necessary, cheap apartment parties consume themselves, quickly expending available resources.