100+ Funny and Cute Jokes To Tell Your Boyfriend

It is psychologically proven that if couples share a similar sense of humor, the relationship is (and can be) strong. I mean, who doesn’t appreciate a good funny joke? Here is a list of some funny and cute jokes to tell your boyfriend. We have jokes, puns, and pick-up lines that you can share with your partner. They might be so lame, yet so good, that they might make him fall in love with you all over again…

photo of man and woman laughing during daytime

Funny Jokes and Puns

Some of these puns are clean and cute pick-up lines, while some might be raunchy zingers. Sometimes you need to add some dirty, silly humor to the relationship!

This might sound cheesy…But I think you’re grate.

I like you butter than anyone!

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

Do you like sales? Because clothing is 100% off at my place.

You’re like a Sharpie… Superfine.

On a scale from 1 to 10, you’re a 9… and I’m the 1 you need.

It may sound cheesy… But you’ve stolen a pizza my heart.

‘You’re beautiful’ has U in it, but ‘quickie’ has U and I together.

Your boyfriend doesn’t get your fruit puns? You got to let that mango.

Is your name Google? Because you’ve got everything I’m searching for.

I’ve had an off week, but seeing you always turns me on.

I wish you were my big toe. Then I would bang you on every piece of furniture at my house.

I know you’re busy today, but can you add me to your to-do list?

They say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Well apparently, no one has ever been standing next to you.

man and woman surrounded by red and green floral trees during daytime

Funny Jokes That Are Also Pick Up Lines

You are like my asthma. You just take my breath away.

You’re like coffee. Hot, and I want you every day.

I love you with all my butt. I would say my heart, but it is just not as big.

Guess what’s on the menu? Me-n-u.

Feel my shirt. It’s boyfriend material.

Even though there aren’t any stars out tonight, you’re still shining like one.

Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, my clothes and the rest of the world disappears.

I think I am going to need knee surgery. Every day I am with you, I fall for you all over again.

Who knew I would be an organ donor so early in life? I already gave my heart to you.

Despite the contradictory advice circulated in the late ’90s… If you want to be my lover, please do not get with my friends.

I think you are suffering…from a lack of vitamin me.

Forget the butterflies. I feel the whole zoo when I am with you.

Do you know what I did last night? I looked up at the stars, and matched each one with a reason why I love you.

Do you like Star Wars? Because Yoda only one for me!

You: I don’t think we can go in here.

Him: Why not?

You: Look at that sign! *point to the no-smoking sign* They won’t let you and your smoking hot bod in!

You: There’s something wrong with this dictionary.

Him: What is it?

You: They spelled L wrong. It should be L-U-V, because I know I can’t spell love without U!

You: I think there’s something wrong with your lips.

Him: What is it?

You: They’re not kissing mine!

pink and red roses on clear glass vase

Funny Love Jokes For Valentine’s Day

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Olive. Olive, who?

Olive you, and I don’t care who knows it.

Boyfriend: Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?

Girlfriend: Yes, February 14th.

Girlfriend: I Have 2 words to tell you.

Boyfriend: What?

Girlfriend: I love you.

Boyfriend: Isn’t that 3?

Girlfriend: No, because You and I count as one.

I love you. You annoy me more than I ever thought possible. But I want to spend every irritating minute with you.

I love you more than coffee. But please don’t make me prove it.

I love you… Even when I’m really, really hungry.

Every day, I fall in love with you more and more. Except for yesterday, yesterday you were pretty annoying.

Why are boyfriends like parking spaces? The good ones are already taken!

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a condom? Condoms have changed. They’re no longer thick and insensitive!

man and woman laughing surrounded with green grass during daytime

Harsh, Yet Funny Jokes To Tell Your Boyfriend

These love jokes are all in good fun, but make sure the relationship with your boyfriend is at that level before you share them.

Me: “I love you.”

You: “Is that you or the wine talking?”

Me: “It’s me talking to the wine.”

A couple is on a date at a fancy restaurant. The woman tells the man to say something to her that will get her heart racing. He replies, “I forgot my wallet.”

Boyfriends are cool and stuff. But have you ever had garlic bread with cheese?

Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me. Then I remember, Oh I put up with you. So we’re even.

Never laugh at your girlfriend’s choices. You’re one of them.

What do a boyfriend and mascara have in common? They both run at the first sign of emotion.

What’s the difference between a toddler and your boyfriend? I don’t know, do you?

How do boyfriends exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

Girlfriend: I dreamed I saw you in a jewelry store and you were buying me a diamond ring. 

Boyfriend: I had the same dream, and I saw your dad paying the bill.

Funny Jokes About Ex-Boyfriends

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

Boyfriends are like blue jeans. They look good for a while but, eventually, they fade and have to be replaced.

It was so hot today…I almost called my ex-boyfriend to be around something shady.

What do you call a man made out of garbage? Your ex-boyfriend.

Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely.

My Ex texted me: I MISS YOU… So I replied: We’re sorry, the subscriber you are trying to reach doesn’t give a f*ck.

Ever looked at your ex and wondered “Was I drunk the entire relationship?”

Going back to your ex is like reading a book you have already read. The outcome will always be the same.

woman in pink brassiere lying on bed

Dirty, Funny Jokes To Tell Your Partner

You are like dandruff. I just cannot get you out of my head no matter how hard I try.

Love is like having to pass gas. If you force it, you are going to make a mess.

Who wears the pants in our relationship? We prefer it when neither of us is wearing pants.

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

What’s the difference between ‘Oooh!’ and ‘Aaah!’? About three inches.

What did the elephant say to the naked man? ‘How do you breathe through that tiny thing?

What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin’ off.

What do you call an expert fisherman? A master baiter.

What’s the difference between love, true love, and showing off? Spit, swallow, and gargle.

How is a snowstorm similar to sex? You never know how many inches you will get or how long it will last.

What did the sperm bank receptionist say to the clients before they left? ‘Thanks for coming!

How is life like a penis? It sometimes get hard when you least expect it.

Why does Santa have such a heavy sack? He only comes once a year.

man in blue sweater sitting beside woman in red sweater

Other Funny Jokes about Love, Marriage, and Relationships

Why should you never break up with a goalie? Because he is a keeper.

What does the ghost call his true love? My ghoul-friend.

What did the butcher say to his girlfriend on their first date? “Nice to meat you.”

What did one boat say to the other boat? Are you interested in a little row-mance?

Why is Spider-Man a bad boyfriend? He’s super clingy.

What is the difference between a motorbike and a boyfriend? Well, the bike is first kicked and then used, and the boyfriend is first used and then kicked.

Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef? He’ll dessert you.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? They already have boyfriends.

What’s the difference between love and marriage? Love is blind. Marriage is an eye-opener.

Why should you not marry a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them.

How did the telephone propose to its girlfriend? He gave her a ring.

Why do painters always fall for their models? Because they love them with all of their art.

Why is kayaking such a good first date? It’s a great way to start a row-mance.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Owl.

Owl, who?

Owl always love you!

There were two antennas who met on a roof and they fell in love and decided to get married. The ceremony was nothing fancy, but you could tell that they had a very strong connection.

Classic Two-Line Jokes About Love and Dating

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend. He keeps asking for another shot.

You are just like my car. You drive me crazy.

My boyfriend accidentally poked me in the eyes. So I stopped seeing him for a little while.

I invited my boyfriend to go to the gym with me, and then I didn’t show. I hope he gets the message that we’re not working out.

My boyfriend isn’t allowed to have birthday candles on his cake. Like, WTF are you wishing for? All your dreams came true with me!

My boyfriend likes to eat vegetables that look like him for dinner. Good thing he’s a cute-cumber.

A T-Rex told his girlfriend, “I love you this much,” as he stretched out his arms. To which the girlfriend replied, “That’s not very much at all!”

Sometimes I look at my boyfriend and think… Damn. He is one lucky man.

My boyfriend started a bee farm to help save the bees. I think he’s a keeper.

Longer, Cute Jokes To Tell Your Boyfriend

One day, a couple was walking through the forest.

Before long, a giant snake jumped out and bit the boyfriend’s right on his penis. Since no one was around to help, his girlfriend Marie, called 9-1-1. “Quick, quick! I need your help! My boyfriend got bitten on the penis by a snake.”

Calmly, the doctor said, “Ma’am, you’re gonna have to suck the venom out yourself.”

“Please, doctor, there has to be another way to get rid of the venom!” Marie responded.

“Sorry,” the doctor insisted. “There’s nothing we can do.”

Marie goes running back to her boyfriend, who is writhing in pain.

“So, what did the doctor say?” he asked.

Pausing for a minute, Maria replied, “The doctor said you’re going to die.”

A husband wanted Valentine’s Day to be special, so he bought a bottle of absinthe and stopped by the florist’s to order a bouquet of his wife’s favorite flower: white anemones.

Unfortunately, the florist was sold out of flowers and had only a few stems of feathery ferns.

The husband asked the florist to make a bouquet out of the ferns and the flask of liquor.

He added a card and proceeded home.

After a romantic candlelight dinner, he presented his wife with the gift.

She opened the card to read, “Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.”

With a tear in her eye, she whispered to her husband lovingly, “Yes, and with fronds like these, who needs anemones.”

Do you have any funny love jokes?

About the author
January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. Read more articles from January on Thought Catalog.

Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page.

Related