240+ Best Kids Jokes for Some Wholesome Laughs
The best list of kids jokes to tell. Kids love jokes and we want to make kids smile! Tell one of these to produce smiles.
Who doesn’t like a good pun or knock-knock joke? If you’re looking to have a good ol’ family-friendly fun with your kid of any age, you’ve come to the right place! Here are some funny kids jokes that will surely make them giggle. We have compiled a list of some classic knock-knock jokes, funny puns about food and animals, and so much more.
Our Favorite Jokes for Kids
How are false teeth like stars? They come out at night!
How do they answer the phone at the paint store? Yellow!
Can February March? No, but April May.
What time do you go to the dentist? Tooth-Hurty!
How do billboards talk? Sign language.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for fresh prints.
What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells!
What’s blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.
What kind of music do balloons hate? Pop.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
What did Aquaman say to his kids when they wouldn’t eat their food? “Water you waiting for?”
How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side.
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He was feeling really crumbie!
Why do bowling pins have such a hard life? They’re always getting knocked down.
Why kind of bug is in the FBI? A SPY-der.
What did Jack say to Jill after they rolled down the hill? “I think I spilled the water.”
What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield.
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo? Cowboy Boogie.
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly.
Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall? To make up for his miserable summer.
When does a doctor get mad? When he runs out of patients!
Why can’t Elsa have a balloon? Because she will let it go.
What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Primemates!
When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look? Because when you find it, you stop looking.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 8, 9
Who won the race of princesses? Rapunzel, By a hair!
What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear? 14 carrot gold.
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey… … but then I turned myself around.
Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? He was sitting on the deck!
What’s the difference between a TV and a newspaper? Ever tried swatting a fly with a TV?
Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I’m coming down with something.
Why do bicycles fall over? Because they are two-tired!
What word starts with the letter t, ends with the letter t, and has t in it? A teapot!
How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.
What kind of car does Mickey Mouse’s wife drive? A Minnie van!
Why did the man run around his bed? To catch up on his sleep.
Mr. Red and Ms. Red live in the red house; Mr. Purple and Ms. Purple live in the purple house. Who lives in the White House? The president.
Why shouldn’t you trust stairs? Because they are always up to something.
What’s the one thing will you get every year on your birthday, guaranteed? A year older.
What did the dad say to his daughter at the cook out? This grill is on fire!
What is blue, but not heavy? Light blue.
What do you say to a rabbit on its birthday? “Hoppy Birthday.”
What do you call a pounding headache? A temple tantrum!
How does the Easter bunny stay in shape? Lots of eggs-ercise.
When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.
What is the best day to visit McDonald’s? Fry-Day.
Why do candles always go on the top of cakes? Because it’s hard to light them from the bottom.
How can you tell if someone is a good farmer? He is outstanding in his field!
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because she was stuffed.
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick.
What do you call a droid that takes the long way around? R2 detour.
Why did the kid cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
What kind of water can’t freeze? Hot water.
Why did the robber jump in the shower? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
Funny Jokes For Kids About Nature
Why is the mushroom always invited to parties? Because he’s a fungi!
How do we know that the ocean is friendly? It waves!
What did one volcano say to the other? “I lava you!”
What type of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
How does a hurricane see? With one eye.
What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle.
What did the ground say to the earthquake? “You crack me up!”
What did the tornado say to the washing machine? “Want to go for a spin?”
How do two rival forests get along? They sign a peace tree-ty.
What event do spiders love to attend? Webbings.
How can you tell that a tree is a dogwood tree? By its bark!
Why did the pine tree get into trouble? Because it was being knotty.
What is a tree’s favorite beverage? Root beer!
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
When is the moon the heaviest? When it’s full.
Witty Kids Jokes About Sports
Why can’t Cinderella play soccer? Because she’s always running away from the ball.
What animal is always at a baseball game? A bat.
Why do porcupines always win the game? They have the most points.
What do you cakes and baseball have in common? They both need a batter!
Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.
Why does a pitcher raise one leg when he throws the ball? If he raises them both, he’d fall down.
Why can’t basketball players go on vacation? They aren’t allowed to travel.
Why are hockey players so good at making friends? They’re quick to break the ice.
Why can’t you play soccer in the jungle? There’s too many cheetahs!
Why can’t you play hockey with pigs? They always hog the puck.
What kinds of stories do basketball players tell? Tall tales!
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
What runs around a baseball field but never moves? The fence!
Best Jokes For Kids About Food
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because he felt crummy.
What did the little corn say to the mama corn? Where is pop corn?
Why was the baby strawberry crying? Because her parents were in a jam.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
Did you hear about the kid who drank eight sodas? He burped 7-Up.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
What do you do if you get peanut butter on your doorknob? Use a door jam.
What’s yellow and looks like pineapple? A lemon with a new haircut.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
What’s the best thing to put into a pie? Your teeth.
Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition? Because it was cultured.
What’s the most expensive kind of fish? A gold fish.
What kind of vegetable is angry? A steamed carrot!
What room doesn’t have doors? A mushroom.
What do you get when you put cheese next to some ducks? Cheese and quackers.
What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner is on me!
Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other? Dill with it.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm.
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school? Hiss-tory.
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza? They’re too cheesy.
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef but not everyone can pea soup…
What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
How do you make a lemon drop? Just let it fall.
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish? You can tune a guitar but you can’t tuna fish.
What do you call two bananas? Slippers.
Best Jokes for Kids About Animals
What do you call a bear with no ear? A “B”
What is more impressive than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
What sound do you hear when a cow breaks the sound barrier? Cowboom!
What time do ducks wake up? At the quack of dawn.
What’s a dog’s favorite toy? A funny bone!
Two goats were munching on a movie script. Goat 1: This is good! Goat 2: The book was better.
How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles!
What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot? A walkie-talkie.
What happened when the skunk was on trial? The judge declared, “Odor in the court, odor in the court!”
What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
How do squids get to school? They take an octobus.
Why do birds fly south? It’s too far to walk.
What is a cat’s favorite color?Purrr-ple!
What did Mama cow say to Baby cow? It’s pasture bed time.
Why didn’t the koala bear get the job? They said she was over-koala-fied.
How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator? By the footprints in the butter!
What did the banana say to the dog? Nothing. Bananas can’t talk.
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole? Lost.
What do you call a dog that can tell time? A watch dog!
How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut!
What kind of haircuts to bees get? Buzzzzzcuts.
What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.
Why did the giraffes get bad grades? She had her head in the clouds.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish? Swimming trunks.
Where would you find an elephant? The same place you lost her!
What animal is always at a baseball game? A bat.
Funny Jokes For Kids For School
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in a school!
What did they say when Marie Curie and Albert Einstein said the same thing at the same time? Greatest minds think alike!
Where do pencils go on vacation? Pencil-vania.
What time is it when the clock strikes 13? Time to get a new clock.
What did the kid learn about knowledge? It was all-knowing.
What did the paper say to the pencil? Write on!
Why aren’t you doing well in history? Because the teacher keeps on asking about things that happened before I was born!
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? At the bottom.
Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!
What building in New York has the most stories? The public library!
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? Because his class was so bright!
What rock group has four men that don’t sing? Mount Rushmore.
What is the smartest state? Alabama, it has 4 A’s and one B.
What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack? The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.
Puns and Jokes for Kids About Science
What does an alien do when it is bored in school? Spaces out.
How does a scientist freshen her breath? With experi-mints!
What was the first animal in space? The cow that jumped over the moon.
What did the mouse say to the keyboard? You’re my type!
Why did the young astronaut cry on the moon? Because he missed his mother earth.
How do you throw a party in space? You planet.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
What did one DNA strand say to the other DNA strand? Do these genes make my butt look big?
What do you do when an astronaut’s wife is upset? Give her some space.
What did the astronaut say when he crashed into the moon? “I Apollo-gize.”
Why did the scientist take out the bell? He wanted to win the no-bell prize.
What is a computer’s favorite snack? Computer chips!!
What did the limestone say to the geologist? Don’t take me for granite!
Did you hear the story about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed some space.
Clever Math Jokes for Kids
What do you call guys who love math? Algebros.
It took 10 workers 10 days to build a bridge. How long would it take 5 workers to build the same bridge? None—it’s already built!
Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel? Because it had more cents.
Why does nobody talk to circles? Because there’s no point.
Why was the equal sign so humble? Because he wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.
Have you heard the one about the student who was afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated? Because it’s never right.
What do you call a student who doesn’t like math class? Calcu-hater.
If it takes two men to dig a hole in one day how long would it take for one man to dig a half a hole? There is no such thing as a half a hole.
What did the science book say to the math book? Wow, you’ve got problems.
Best Kid Jokes For Halloween
Why are ghosts bad liars? Because you can see right through them.
Where do vampires keep their money? A blood bank.
How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
How can you tell a vampire has a cold? She starts coffin.
Why is there a gate around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in!
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit? A strawberry.
Why did the skeletons cross the road? To get to the body shop!
What is a zombie’s favorite thing to eat? Brain food.
What do ghosts like to eat in the summer? I Scream.
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school? Because her students were so bright.
How does a vampire start a letter? Tomb it may concern…
What is a witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling!
What candy do you eat on the playground? Recess pieces.
Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Day-scare centers.
What do you call two witches living together? Broommates.
What’s big, scary and has three wheels? A monster on a tricycle.
How do ghosts wash their hair? With sham-boo.
Funny Jokes For Kids For The Holidays
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frost bite!
What snack should you make for the Snowman Holiday Party? Ice Krispy Treats.
What falls in winter but never gets hurt? Snow!
What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet.
What do you call an old snowman? Water.
What does Mrs. Clause say to Santa when there are clouds in the sky? Looks like rain, deer.
Why do mummies like Christmas so much? Because of all the wrapping!
What kind of music do elves like? “Wrap” music!
Why didn’t the tree get a present? He was knotty.
What do grouchy sheep say during the holidays? Baaaaah humbug!
What happened to the thief who stole a Christmas calendar? He got 12 months.
What does Santa suffer from whenever he gets stuck in a chimney? Santa Claustrophobia.
How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming? He refers to his calen-deer.
What is every parent’s favorite Christmas carol? Silent Night.
What wears a red suit and goes, “Oh, oh, oh”? Santa walking backwards.
Cute Jokes for Kids on Valentine’s Day
What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day? I’m stuck on you!
What did the farmer give his wife for Valentine’s Day? Hogs and kisses.
What do owls say to declare their love? Owl be yours!
What did one cat say to the other cat on Valentine’s Day? Don’t ever change, you’re purrrfect.
What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts!
How did the phone propose to his GF? He gave her a ring.
What did one light bulb say to the other light bulb on Valentine’s Day? I wuv you watts and watts!
What did one bee say to the other? I love bee-ing with you, honey!
What do you call a ghost’s true love? His ghoul-friend.
What did Frankenstein’s monster say to his bride on Valentine’s Day? Be my Valenstein!
Clean, Yet Dirty, Jokes for Kids
What did one toilet say to the other? You look flushed.
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
Why does a pirate wear underwear? To hide his booty!
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
Why did the cop sit on the toilet? To do his duty.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in the crack.
How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper? She sent her a pee-mail.
Best Knock-Knock Jokes for Kids
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Cow
Cow who?
Cows don’t say “who,” Cows go “moooo!”
–
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting pirate.
Interrupting pir—yarrrrrr!
–
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Donut.
Donut who?
Donut ask me, I just got here.
–
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Manatee.
Manatee who?
Manatee would be better than a sweater today, it’s hot!
–
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
A little old lady.
A little old lady who?
I didn’t know you could yodel!
–
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Aww, don’t cry – it’s just a joke.
–
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Etch.
Etch who?
Bless you, friend.
–
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Kanga.
Kanga who?
Actually, it’s kangaroo!
–
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Amish.
Amish who?
Really? You don’t look like a shoe.
–
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Wooden shoe.
Wooden shoe, who?
Wouldn’t you like to know!
–
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
The interrupting cow.
The interrupting cow–
Moo
–
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cargo.
Cargo, who?
No, car go beep beep!
–
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Says.
Says who?
Says me, that’s who.
–
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Police.
Police who?
Police stop telling these awful jokes.
Crossing The Road Jokes for Kids
Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Because the chicken wasn’t born yet.
–
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A: Because he didn’t have the guts.
–
Q: Why did the pillow cross the road?
A: It was picking up the chicken’s feathers.
–
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: It was trying to get away from the KFC.
–
Q: Why did the monkey cross the road?
A: Because the chicken retired.
–
Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?
A: Because he wasn’t chicken.
–
Q: Why did the gum cross the road?
A: It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
–
We hope you enjoyed these funny kid jokes and puns! Feel free to check out our other jokes pages – we want the adults to laugh too!
