105+ Corny Jokes to Send to Friends

If you’re not sure what to say when you meet someone new, a good joke or pun can break the ice. It will show everyone you’re funny and prove you have a great sense of humor. Of course, you can always text these funny jokes to the friends you’ve already made. Give them a reason to smile at their phone today. Here are some corny jokes to share with your friends and family. Enjoy! 

Dad Jokes that will make everyone in the family laugh

These corny jokes are great to share with the young people in your life–and the old ones. They can make anyone’s day!

1. How do vampires start letters? Tomb it may concern.
2. Why can’t your nose be 12-inches long? Because it would be a foot.
3. What kind of tree has a hand? A palm tree.
4. What did the science book say to the math book? Wow, you’ve got problems.
5. Why is the grass so dangerous? It’s full of blades.
6. How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
7. How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles.
8. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
9. Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood.
10. To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!
11. Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer? She kept running away from the ball!
12. Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
13. How did the black cats end their fight? They hissed and made up.
14. How do you catch a whole school of fish? With bookworms.
15. Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
16. What do you call a boring dinosaur? A dino-snore!
17. What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits.
18. I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage. The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity!
19. What do you call a factory that sells good products? A satis-factory.
20. Why are there gates surrounding cemeteries? People are dying to get in.
21. What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.
22. Why did the man get hit by a bike every day? He was stuck in a vicious cycle.
23. What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes.
24. What did the policeman say to his belly button? You’re under a vest.
25. Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
26. What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet.
27. Why does Waldo wear stripes? He doesn’t want to be spotted.
28. Why do people say “break a leg” when you go on stage? Every play has a cast.
29. Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? He was a little horse.
30. What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang around, and I’ll go ahead.
31. Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure? He’s a little shellfish.
32. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for fresh prints.
33. Why did the baby strawberry cry? His parents were in a jam.
34. What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
35. If you receive a picture of some meat in a tin from me at your email address. Don’t worry it’s just spam.
36. What falls in winter but never gets hurt? Snow.
37. Where was King David’s temple located? Beside his ear.
38. Can February March? No, but April May!

Dad Jokes that everyone you meet will love

Make sure you have hilarious puns ready so you can make new friends wherever life takes you. Get the best corny jokes below!

1. It’s not appropriate to make a dad joke if you’re not a dad. It’s a faux pa.
2. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
3. Which school subject was the witch’s favorite? Spelling!
4. How do you tell if a vampire is sick? See if he is coffin.
5. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
6. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pen? Because it’s pointless.
7. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine now, she woke up.
8. What did one toilet say to another? You look flushed.
9. Why can’t you play hockey with pigs? They always hog the puck.
10. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
11. If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get? Mistle-toes.
12. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
13. How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
14. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because she was stuffed.
15. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
16. If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you… an iWitness?!

Jokes for adults and kids to tell every day

Smiling should be an everyday activity, which is why telling corny jokes should be an everyday activity. Here are a few to start off with:

1. What kind of cheese isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
2. Where does the electric cord go to shop? An outlet mall.
3.  Why are frogs are so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
4. Why don’t melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
5. Why did the bike fall over? It was two tired.
6. What did the laundryman say to the impatient customer? Keep your shirt on!
7. What does corn say when it gets a compliment? Aw, shucks!
8. What do you call an alligator detective? An investi-gator.
9. What did the bartender say to the turkey sandwich when it tried to order a beer? “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
10. When do computers overheat? When they need to vent.
11. Why can’t your ear be 12-inches long? Then it would be a foot.
12. How do rabbits travel? By hareplanes.
13. Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi.
14. How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
15. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
16. Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? If it had four doors it would be called a chicken sedan.
17. What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.
18. Why did the photo go to jail? Because it was framed.
19. What was the frog’s job at the hotel? Bellhop.
20. What do cows most like to read? Cattle-logs.
21. What do you call a blind dinosaur? A do-you-think-he-saw-us.
22. What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.
23. Have you heard about the corduroy pillow? It’s making headlines!
24. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
25. Why did the restaurant hire a pig? He was good at bacon.
26. What did the snail say when it was riding on the turtle’s back? Wheeee!

Clean dad jokes that are the peak of comedy

These clean, corny jokes and puns will give everyone a good laugh without making anyone uncomfortable. They’re perfect for any age group.

1. Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? For drizzle!
2. I sold my vacuum the other day. All it was doing was collecting dust.
3. What do you call a snobby criminal going down the stairs? A con descending.
4. Why couldn’t the pony sing himself a lullaby? He was a little hoarse.
5. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
6. What do Kermit the Frog and Attila the Hun have in common? They both have the same middle name.
7. What has ears but can’t hear? A cornfield!
8. Which flowers are the best kissers? Tu-lips.
9. What do you call a row of rabbits hopping away? A receding hare line.
10. How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
11. What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
12. What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.
13. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
14. What did one snowman say to the other? Can you smell carrots?
15. What’s the best way to burn 1,000 calories? Leave the pizza in the oven.
16. Why are the Irish so wealthy? Because their capital is Dublin.
17. What do sprinters eat before they race? Nothing. They fast.
18. How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? By the bark.
19. What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? Ketchup.
20. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
21. What did the nose say to the finger? Quit picking on me!
22. You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
23. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

Best corny jokes that will make you laugh aloud

Try to say these corny jokes aloud without cracking a smile. It’s nearly impossible!

1. What did the cake say to the fork? You want a piece of me?
2. What kind of ghost has the best hearing? The eeriest.
3. What’s that restaurant on the moon like? It doesn’t have atmosphere.
4. What has more lives than a cat? A frog, because it croaks every day.
5. After dinner, my wife asked if I could clear the table. I needed a running start, but I made it!
6. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? She will let it go.
7. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
8. What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law.
9. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
10. Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his snack? He was shellfish.
11. What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up? Someday my prints will come!
12. What does a baby computer call his father? Data.
13. Bacon and eggs walk into a bar. The bartender said, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
14. What did the right eye say to the left eye? Between you and me, something smells.
15. What do you call a snake wearing a hard hat? A boa constructor.
16. What did the elevator say when it sneezed? I think I’m coming down with something.
17. How does a rancher keep track of his cattle? With a cow-culator.
18. Why wouldn’t the poppy seed leave the casino? He was on a roll.
19. What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music.
20. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They crack up too easily.
21. What do you do with a sick boat? Take it to the doc.
22. When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.
23. What does a spy do when he gets cold? He goes undercover.
24. Why don’t you buy things with Velcro? It’s a rip-off.
25. Why did the robber jump in the shower? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
26. Why did the kid cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
27. Why are elephants wrinkly? You can’t iron them.
28. Why did the kid stock up on yeast? He wanted to make some dough.
29. What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality.
30. What kind of shoes do robbers wear? Sneakers.
31. What do you call a man that irons clothes? Iron Man.
32. How do you make Lady Gaga mad? Poke her face.

The best dad jokes to share on a bad day

These corny jokes shouldn’t go over anyone’s head, even the youngest children in the household.

1. How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.
2. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine? Give me my quarterback.
3. Why can’t you trust duck doctors? They’re all quacks.
4. What do you get when you cross a lemon and a cat? A sour puss.
5. Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
6. What runs but never goes anywhere? A fridge.
7. What did one hat say to the other? You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.
8. How does a duck buy lipstick? She just puts it on her bill.
9. What do you call a duck that gets all A’s? A wise quacker.
10. What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
11. Why couldn’t the pirate learn the alphabet? He got lost at C.
12. Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle? He’s always lion.
13. Why were the fish’s grades bad? They were below sea level.
14. How do you impress a baker? Bring him flours.

The best, most hilarious puns for adults with good senses of humor

These corny jokes will make everyone with a sense of humor laugh until their face hurts. Make sure to share them with everyone soon!

1. Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory? Lack of concentration.
2. Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!
3. What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
4. Did you hear that I’m reading a book about anti-gravity? It’s impossible to put down.
5. What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing. It waved.
6. Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All the fans left.
7. What do you call banana peel shoes? Slippers.
8. Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
9. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? The “P” is silent.
10. How do you make a lemon drop? Just let it fall.
11. What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.
12. What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot? A walkie talkie.
13. Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space? He wanted to find Pluto!