Chuck Norris Jokes

100+ Chuck Norris Jokes to Roundhouse Kick Up Some Laughs [2020]

(Real) Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris is a name known across the world. People tell jokes about him. People cosplay as him. People admire him. However, you might not know much more about him than his name.

In order to truly appreciate the Chuck Norris jokes you’re always hearing, you should know some important Chuck Norris facts. Here are some inspiring stories, random tidbits, and obscure details about the man everyone knows and loves:

1. A little known fact about Norris is that he never had any interest in being famous. He opened more than 30 karate studios in the 1960s, planning to be an instructor. After teaching some celebrities, like Priscilla Presley and actor Steve McQueen, he decided to try acting himself.

2. Although everyone knows him as Chuck Norris, his full name is Carlos Ray Chuck Norris. His birthday is on March 10, 1940.

3. Chuck Norris is skilled in martial arts. He is a black belt in Tang Soo Do, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, and Judo.

4. There are several viral videos inspired by Chuck Norris. Some are compilations of his greatest moments. Others are fan-made comedy videos, like Chuck Norris VS Abe Lincoln or Chuck Norris VS Angry Birds.

5. The legendary Chuck Norris is primarily known for his martial arts skills. However, he is also a famous actor. He has appeared in Walker, Texas Ranger and Sons of Thunder. He also appeared in the action film, The Expendables 2.

6. One of his most notable moves is referred to as the Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. 

7. For his 77th birthday, Chuck Norris released a mobile game called Nonstop Chuck Norris.

8. Norris is actually aware of the fake facts the internet creates about him — and he has even read some of them himself on late night talk shows.

9. A Facebook scam tried to convince the internet that Norris was dead at 71.

10. There was another celebrity death hoax involving Norris in 2020. People were sending around a hilarious corona virus joke saying, “Chuck Norris has been diagnosed with corona virus. The virus is now in quarantine.” However, some people believed he was actually sick.

(Hilarious) Chuck Norris Facts

Whether you like black humor or more innocent, lighthearted jokes, you’re going to laugh out loud while reading this list. After all, you have to admit Chuck Norris jokes are hilarious. They can get a chuckle out of anyone. Without further adieu, here is every Chuck Norris joke worth telling to your friends and family:

1. Chuck Norris doesn’t dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone.

2. Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn’t dead. It is just afraid to move.

3. Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.

4. Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.

5. Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia. Fear of Chuck Norris is called logic.

6. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.

7. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

8. Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pie. And can divide it by zero.

9. Behind Chuck Norris’ beard, there isn’t a chin. There’s another fist.

10. On the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it is noted that every world record is held by Chuck Norris, and that those listed are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

11. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

12. Chuck Norris peed on a truck. It created Optimus Prime.

13. Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people. Then it exploded.

14. Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.

15. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

16. Chuck Norris can make a slinky go upstairs.

17. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

18. When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.

19. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.

20. Chuck Norris narrates Morgan Freeman’s life.

21. Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.

22. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light.

23. Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.

24. Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

25. If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.

26. Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

27. Chuck Norris once bought a refrigerator. It’s now called outer space.

28. The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. You know what happened to them.

29. Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.

30. Chuck Norris appeared in the ‘Street Fighter II’ video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Chuck Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”

31. Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in three moves.

32. Chuck Norris can speak Braille.

33. Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.

34. Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

35. Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.

36. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

37. Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.

38. On the 7th day, God rested… Chuck Norris took over.

39. Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret.

40. Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.

41. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it’s beef.

42. Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

43. Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.

44. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Chuck Norris.

45. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

46. The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.

47. Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.

48. When Christopher Columbus discovered America, he was greeted by Chuck Norris.

49. When we first landed on the moon, the astronauts noted there was print on the moon that said “Chuck Norris was here.”

50. Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.

51. Chuck Norris named his daughter Mercy. The day she was born was the only day Chuck Norris ever had Mercy.

52. Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.

53. Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.

54. Mission Impossible was originally set in Chuck Norris’s house.

55. Chuck Norris plays Jenga with Stonehenge.

56. Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

57. Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete.

58. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

59. Chuck Norris’ computer has no backspace button, because Chuck Norris doesn’t make mistakes.

60. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

61. There’s no theory of evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

62. Chuck Norris doesn’t play hide-and-seek, he plays hide-and-pray-I-don’t-find-you.

63. There once was a street called Chuck Norris, but the name was changed for public safety, because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

64. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night he checks his closets and under his bed for Chuck Norris.

65. Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

66. Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.

67. Chuck Norris doesn’t worry about high gas prices, his vehicles run on fear.

68. Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.

69. Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

70. Chuck Norris’s daughter lost her virginity. He got it back.

71. It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.

72. Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not “attempt” murder.

73. Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

74. What is Chuck Norris’ favorite anime? Death Note.

75. Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

76. Chuck Norris’ dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.

77. When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

78. Chuck actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him.

79. Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn’t dodge Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick.

80. Chuck Norris doesn’t have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.

81. M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.

82. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

83. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

84. Chuck Norris’s belly button is actually a power outlet.

85. Chuck Norris does not shake hands. He makes them tremble.

86. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

87. When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: “What is courage?” He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.

88. When life gave Chuck Norris lemons, he squeezed the lemons and made orange juice.

89. The Great Wall of China, the entertainment destination, was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.

90. One time, Chuck Norris went to Mars. That’s why there’s no sign of life there.

91. Chuck Norris heard that nothing can kill him, so he tracked down nothing and killed it.

92. Chuck Norris doesn’t cheat death, he wins fair and square.

93. Few people know that Chuck Norris has a diary—it’s called the Guinness Book of World Records.

94. Chuck Norris has punched people so hard that their blood started bleeding.

95. Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.

96. Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.

97. When the zombie apocalypse stars, Chuck Norris doesn’t try to survive, the zombies do.

98. Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.

99. Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.

100. The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.

Chuck Norris Memes

Sometimes, the only thing better than a joke you can recite to your friends out loud is a meme. Here are some WTF photos and GIFS from Twitter and Facebook that will make you laugh until you cry. The best part? You get to see some impressive Chuck Norris pictures.

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About the author
January Nelson is a writer, editor, dreamer, and occasional exotic dancer and a collective pen name. Read more articles from January on Thought Catalog.

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