Aries
“I could not be more at one with nature. I do Coachella every year.” — David Rose
Taurus
“Hide your diamonds, hide your exes.” — Alexis Rose
Gemini
“Gossip is the devil’s telephone. Best to just hang up.” — Moira Rose
Cancer
“I plan on popping a pill, crying a bit, and falling asleep early.” — David Rose
For the person who is always googling astrological compatibility when they meet someone new.
How You’ll Do Everything Based On Your Zodiac Sign includes an exhaustive analysis of each sign’s personality. You’ll learn which high school clique represents them (Pisces are the cool art kids), who would get eaten first in a scary movie (Gemini, obviously) to how each sign prefers to say ‘I love you’ (for Taurus, it’s with good food). Alternating between silly, sweet, and serious, this book is filled with deep dives into the mind of everyone whose birth chart you can get your hands on.
Buy nowLeo
“I walk through life in really nice shoes.” — Alexis Rose
Virgo
“I have my own holiday tradition. It’s like the 12 Days of Christmas, but it’s one day with 12 bottles of wine.” — Stevie Budd
Libra
“I do not have a lot to my name right now, but I do have one thing: taste.” — David Rose
Scorpio
“I’d kill for a good coma right now.” — Moira Rose
Sagittarius
“The world is falling apart around us and I’m dying inside.” — Moira Rose
Capricorn
“If airplane safety videos have taught me anything, David, it’s that a mother puts her own mask on first.” — Moira Rose
Aquarius
“I hope that someday I find someone who I can stand long enough to feel a little lost when they’re not around.” — Stevie Budd
Pisces
“This wine is awful. Give me another glass.” — Moira Rose 
