1. I forget to express any positive emotions. When my mental health isn’t the greatest, I have a hard time playing pretend. I can’t come across as a convincing happy-go-lucky-person. I can’t laugh at the right moments. I can’t add inflections to my voice at the right times. I sound like I’ve just rolled out of bed and haven’t fully woken up yet — and, in a way, that’s the way I’m feeling. Half awake. Half alive.
2. I forget to take care of myself. I skip showers. I stop combing my hair. I stop wearing makeup. I stop exercising. I stop brushing my teeth three times per day and flossing after meals. I stop bothering to take care of my appearance — either because I genuinely forget to do those things or because there doesn’t seem like much of a point.
3. I forget to keep track of things that are important to me. When my mental health declines, I forget to watch new episodes of my favorite shows. I forget to check if my favorite artist has released new music. I forget to log onto YouTube and watch my favorite creators. I forget to enjoy myself — but honestly, even if I try to enjoy myself, it doesn’t end up working. I can’t stay focused on shows or movies or music. I can’t get as much enjoyment out of them as usual.
4. I forget to keep in touch with the people who mean the most to me. When I’m having a rough time, I don’t text back. I don’t reply to messages or comments on social media. I don’t answer phone calls. I don’t agree to go out. I limit the amount of time I spend socializing because I don’t have the energy to deal with other people. Even when I’m forced into an environment where communicating is a must, I’ll only speak when asked a question. I won’t make small talk. I won’t go out of my way to have a conversation. I won’t do more than is required of me.
5. I forget to eat healthy meals. Sometimes, I don’t realize how many hours have passed and will accidentally skip meals. Other times, I will realize it’s important to put some food in my body but won’t be in the mood to go through the process of cooking anything (or ordering anything), so I’ll end up eating whatever is easiest. Snacks. Microwavable meals. Whatever requires the least amount of energy. Whatever takes up the least amount of my time.
6. I forget stupid little things. I forget where I left my cell phone, what I did with my car keys, and where I dropped my reading glasses. I forget whether or not I took my birth control pills that morning, whether or not I turned off the oven before leaving for work, and whether or not I pressed send on my last email. I forget a million little things that get in my way of having a productive day.
7. I forget to care. On my worst days, I forget to care about anything, especially myself.