1. Why should you never talk to Pi?
Because she’ll go on and on and on forever.
2. Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
3. Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
4. What did the zero say to the eight?
5. What do you call a number that just can’t keep still.
A roamin’ numeral.
6. Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
7. Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
8. Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
9. What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
10. Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
11. How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
12. My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
13. How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
14. Did you hear the one about the statistician.
15. What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
16. A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
17. Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
18. hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
19. Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
20. Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
21. How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
22. Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
23. How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
24. Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
25. Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
26. Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
27. What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
28. What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
29. How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
30. How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
31. Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
32. Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
33. What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
34. Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
35. What do you call dudes who love math?
36. What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
37. Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
38. Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
39. Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.