1. When I’m young, I’m sweet in the sun. At middle-age, I make you gay. When old, I’m valued more than ever. What am I?
2. Without it, I am dead. If I am not it, then then I am behind. What am I?
3. How many three cent stamps are in a dozen?
A dozen (but you probably said four).
4. Can a man legally marry his widow’s sister in the state of California?
If his wife’s a widow, the guy is dead!
5. How far can a raccoon run into the woods?
Halfway. After that, he’s running out of the woods.
6. What has a mouth, but cannot eat. Moves, but has no legs. Has a bank, but no money?
7. Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one. Michael J. Fox has a very short one. Madonna doesn’t use one. The Pope doesn’t, either. What is it?
8. I am the beginning of sorrow and the end of sickness. You cannot express happiness without me. I am always in risk but never in danger. You may find me in the sun, but I am never out of darkness.
The letter S
9. Mike is a butcher. He is 5’09” tall. What does he weigh?
10. Guess the next three letters in the series GTNTL.
I, T, S. [The complete sequence is the first letter of every word in the preceding sentence.]
11. On my way to St. Ives, I met a man with seven wives. Each wife had seven sacks, each sack had seven cats, and each cat had seven kits. Kits, cats, sacks and wives. How many were going to St. Ives?
One! Only I was going to St. Ives
12. Which is heavier? A pound of feathers or a pound of rocks?
Both weigh exactly one pound!
13. You are a cyclist in a cross-country race. Just before the crossing finish line, you overtake the person in second place. What place did you finish in?
Second. If you pass the person in second, you take second, and they take third.
14. A man is looking at a photograph of someone. His friend asks who it is. The man replies, “Brothers and sisters, I have none. But that man’s father is my father’s son.” Who was in the photograph?
15. The number 8,549,176,320 is a unique number. What is so special about it?
It’s the only number including every digit arranged in alphabetical order.
16. There are three houses. One’s red, one’s blue, and one’s white. If the red house is to the left of the house in the middle, and the blue house is to the right to the house in the middle, where is the white house?
In Washington DC.
17. You’re in a cabin and it’s pitch black. You have one match on you. Which do you light first: the newspaper, the lamp, the candle, or the fire?
You light the match first.
18. A man pushes his car to a hotel and tells its owner he’s bankrupt. Why?
Because he’s playing Monopoly.
19. A man left home running. He ran a ways and then turned left, ran the same distance and turned left again, ran the same distance and turned left again. When he got home, there were two masked men. Who were they?
The catcher and the umpire.
20. Your dad tells you he’ll pay you $6.00 an hour for the 6 seconds that you take to wash your hands before dinner. How much did you make for washing your hands?
21. A farmer has 19 sheep and all but seven die. How many are left?
22. In a year, there are 12 months. Seven months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days?
All of them.
23. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?
Mt. Everest. It just hadn’t been discovered yet!
24. A plane crashes on the border of the U.S. and Canada. Where do they bury the survivors?
You do not bury the survivors!
25. I do not have any special powers, but I can predict the score of any football game before it begins. How can I do this?
The score is always the same before the game: zero to zero!
26. A family lives in a skyrise building on the tenth floor. Every day their daughter takes the elevator from the family’s apartment on the 10th floor to the ground floor and goes to school. When she returns later that day, she uses the elevator to get to the fifth floor, and then uses the stairs for the remaining five floors. Why?
She can’t reach the buttons higher than five.
27. Give me food, and I will live. Give me water, and I will die. What am I?
28. Which travels faster: Hot or Cold?
Well you can catch a cold, so hot’s probably faster.
29. You are driving a bus. At the first stop, two women get on. At the second stop, three men get on and one woman gets off. At the third stop, three kids and their mom get on, and a man gets off. The bus is grey, and it is raining outside. What color is the bus driver’s hair?
Whatever color your hair is! Remember, you’re the bus driver.
30. Imagine that you are in a boat, in the middle of the sea. Suddenly, you are surrounded by hungry sharks, just waiting to feed on you. How can you put an end to this?
You just stop imagining!