When you’re depressed, people assume there must be a problem with your relationship. They assume there must be a secret you’re keeping. They assume you cannot possibly be happy with your relationship if you’re so sad all the time. They cannot wrap their minds around the idea your relationship isn’t the problem, your relationship isn’t in danger, your relationship isn’t the only piece of your world that matters.
The worst part is, sometimes your partner even thinks that way. If you aren’t happy, they assume they must be doing something wrong. They assume they must not be giving you everything you need. They assume they are the source of your unhappiness, which is completely and utterly wrong. And it only makes you feel guiltier about your emotions. You don’t want your person to feel bad because you feel bad. You don’t want them to grow insecure when they’ve been doing all the right things, when they’ve always been there for you, when you love them more than anything.
When you’re depressed, sometimes you feel pressured to keep your feelings to yourself. Sometimes you feel like you aren’t allowed to be real about what you’re going through. Sometimes you worry people are going to get the wrong idea if you reveal how hard it’s been to get through your days.
You don’t want anyone assuming something is wrong with your relationship. You don’t want anyone accusing your person of not doing their job. After all, it’s not their job to bring you happiness. You’re in charge of your own happiness. They shouldn’t be dragged into this mess, especially when they’ve been loving and supportive since day one.
Of course, there are some people who will believe you when you say your relationship is going great — but they’re going to get annoyed with you. They’re going to tell you that you have nothing to be upset about when you’ve already found the love of your life. They’re going to remind you how lucky you are and accuse you of acting selfish for thinking there is anything wrong with your life. They aren’t going to understand it’s not your fault you feel this way. You can’t help yourself. You can’t change it. And making comparisons isn’t going to do anything except make you feel worse.
When you’re depressed, even though you’re in a good relationship, there’s always an underlying fear that your mental state is going to push that person away. Even though they’ve always treated you with kindness, patience, and respect, you’re worried they’re going to get sick of you one day. You’re worried you’re going to turn out too difficult to love in the long run. You’re worried one of the only good things in your life is going to fall apart.
But when you’re with the right person, eventually those fears will become quieter and quieter. Eventually you’ll learn to consider them a constant. Eventually you’ll stop feeling a never-ending fear that they’re going to leave you. Eventually things will work out.