You’re going to hurt your girlfriend with anxiety by raising your voice at her when she gets anxious at a moment you feel is inconvenient. You might think there’s a difference between yelling at her and raising your voice at her, but to her, it’s the same thing. To her, as soon as your tone shifts, she’s going to feel like you’re angry at her and it’s going to activate all of her insecurities. She’s going to worry she’s been bothering you, worry she’s been weighing you down, worry you’re thinking about leaving her because she has too much baggage for you to handle.
You’re going to hurt your girlfriend with anxiety by acting like you support and love her until her anxiety actually acts up and starts causing issues. Saying you’re going to be there for her when she needs you is one thing. Following through on that promise is a completely different thing. It’s much easier to say you don’t mind her anxiety when it isn’t impacting you in any way — but she needs you to be there for her even when it is impacting you, even when you really wanted to leave the house that weekend and have a fun time but she’s spiraling into a panic attack.
She knows how annoying her anxiety can be. She knows it can strike at the worst times. When her anxiety ruins plans, no one is more upset about it than her. Guilt tripping her about it isn’t going to help the situation. She already feels bad enough. She doesn’t need you to make her feel even worse about herself. She doesn’t need you to pile on the guilt. Anything you have to say to her about how you wish she wasn’t so anxious or about how you don’t understand her anxiety at all is something that has already run through her head a million times.
She wishes she could stop herself from freaking out at the drop of a hat. She wishes she could control her emotions, her heart rate, her breathing. She wishes she understood why some days she can function without a problem and other days it’s a struggle to leave the house. She wishes she knew all of the things that you have been wishing she would explain to you.
You’re going to hurt your girlfriend with anxiety by treating her like your girlfriend with anxiety. She doesn’t want her anxiety to define her. She doesn’t want you to pity her. She doesn’t want you to feel bad for her. She doesn’t want to feel like you’re doing her a favor by dating someone like her.
Most of the time, she wants you to treat her the same way you would treat anyone else. She doesn’t want you to tiptoe around her. She wants you to be yourself around her. But when her anxiety acts up, she wants your support. She wants to know you’re there for her, not that you’re annoyed with her, not that you’re judging her, not that you feel burdened by her.