When you need to see a therapist, you say the words to yourself all the time. You cry your eyes out in the bathroom and think I should really go to therapy. You get scared by the dark thoughts in your head and think I should really go to therapy. You hurt yourself, physically or emotionally, and think I should really go to therapy.
But in the morning, when you are feeling kind of, sort of okay again, you tell yourself you’ll be fine without therapy. You tell yourself you got through your latest meltdown and can get through the next one. In the aftermath of your breakdowns, you become an optimist. You trick yourself into thinking you’ll be fine for a little while longer.
You make constant excuses for why you aren’t setting an appointment. You tell yourself you don’t have enough time to set aside each week because you’re swamped with work. You tell yourself you don’t have good enough insurance to make your mental health a priority. You tell yourself you have to earn a little more money before you can even think about being able to afford someone who can help you. Most of your excuses are legitimate — but others are another way for you to procrastinate.
Of course, there are times when you procrastinate in healthier ways. You buy self-help books. You read up on ways to live a happier life. You try to take care of your problems on your own. You try to figure out the way your brain works without any outside help.
That method might help you feel better for a little while, but when you aren’t seeing a therapist, there will be a million different times when you wish you had someone to talk to about your problems. Someone who actually understood the way your mind works. Someone who could help you grow instead of making you feel guilty about your feelings or giving you unhelpful advice like just stop worrying.
Even though your family and friends might rush to answer the phone at two in the morning when you need to talk to someone, that doesn’t mean they have the tools needed in order to help you feel better. That doesn’t mean they can solve your deepest issues.
When you need to see a therapist, but still aren’t seeing a therapist, you know something needs to change. You have to stop telling yourself you’ll make an appointment tomorrow or next week or next month. You need to set aside your fears and make a phone call (or send an email). If you really can’t afford to get the help you need right now, then you should at least see if there are any free groups who meet in your town or any hotlines you can call. Help might be closer than you think.
No matter what state of mind you’re in right now, make sure you consider your mental health a priority because you deserve to feel okay again.