Sometimes you are going to rewrite texts and emails thirty times before erasing everything and deciding to keep yourself in a bubble. Sometimes you are going to feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness and look to the internet for comfort. Other times you will reach out to anyone who will listen. You will get a text back in seconds or get dozens of likes on a selfie and feel excited for a split second before slipping right back into misery.
Sometimes you are going to feel an overwhelming swell of emotions. You are going to cry until your contacts come loose. You are going to stare into the mirror and watch tears slide down your face and the reflection is going to make your stomach clench harder. Other times you are going to feel numb. Your mind is going to become a blank. You will not care about anything, least of all yourself.
Sometimes you are going to skip your showers and let your nail polish chip and watch your roots grow out because the thought of taking care of yourself does not even cross your mind. Other times the little things you used to take for granted, the things you actually used to enjoy, like texting your best friends and eating a full meal, become unconquerable missions.
Sometimes you are going to press snooze on your alarm once, twice, three times before shutting it down completely so you can oversleep until noon. Other times you are going to stare at the ceiling because the ghosts from your past are flittering around you, taunting you with memories of the past, making it impossible for you to get any rest.
Sometimes you are going to think dark thoughts. You are going to self-sabotage. You are going to push away the people who mean the most to you. Other times you are going to call friends (or parents) at two in the morning. You are going to nuzzle into shoulders. You are going to spill all of your feelings. You won’t want to let go of the people who care about you. You won’t want a second separated from them.
Sometimes you are going to question your purpose. You are going to feel lost, alone, and directionless. And those feelings will be so invasive, such a distraction from everything that used to matter to you, that you are going to wonder whether you are going to feel that way forever. You are going to wonder whether you are ever going to climb out from the rut a lifetime of disappointments has carved.
But even when your hope has vanished, you have to keep chugging along. You have to believe in yourself because the phrase you’ve heard a million times before is true. It will get better. You will see sunlight again. You will feel a sense of relief. You will have renewed confidence. You will recognize your own worth.
One day, you will be thankful you held on for so long because all of this bullshit you’ve been going through lately is leading toward a better tomorrow.