The Way You Will Lose Your Almost Boyfriend

You will meet him and feel instant chemistry. The sexual tension will be impossible to ignore. From the beginning, you will know that you want something more with him. That he belongs inside of your universe.

You will flirt with him in person, sometimes subtly, until he slips you his number. Then you will talk to him in between breaks at work and when you’re hidden beneath the covers at night. You will stay up later than you should, waiting for his reply with your phone plugged into the charger beside your bed.

He will text you back — not within seconds, not within minutes, but eventually. When he does, you won’t be thinking about how long it took him to answer because you’ll be more focused on the flirtatious words he sent. You’ll be thinking about how much you like him and how it seems like he feels the same way.

One day, he will ask you to come over and you will say yes. You will try your best to come across as casual, even though your pulse is thrumming and it took you three tries to find the outfit you wanted to wear in front of him.

After you arrive, he will give you a quick tour of his place, ask you if you want a drink, and introduce you to anyone else hanging around (roommates, parents, pets) before bringing you into his bedroom. A place where you can be alone.

He will spend a little too long trying to find something fitting on Netflix, even though it will mostly be background noise. You are going to talk over the entire show, and when you’re not talking, you’re going to be thinking about how close your bodies have become. You’re going to be focused on everything other than what’s showing on the screen.

Maybe you will cuddle. Maybe you will kiss. Maybe you will sleep together. Maybe you will only wish you did.

Either way, you will go home and replay the evening in your head again and again. You will think about how good it felt to be touched by him. You will wonder how much longer you’ll have to wait until you see him again, until you get another night as perfect as that one.

Maybe you will get a few more nights — but ultimately, you will experience the opposite of what you were expecting. Instead of getting asked to be his official girlfriend, you will be ignored by him. Instead of being invited back over, you will hear about how busy he is. Instead of becoming his number one priority, you will be pushed to the side.

Out of the blue, he will go MIA and then will come back as if nothing happened. He will act like he never left. He will seem like he is crazy about you, just like he did before he disappeared.

The cycle will continue for as long as you let it. He will treat you like you matter, then he will leave you, then he will come back again. History will keep repeating itself.

Eventually, you will lose your almost boyfriend when you find a real boyfriend or he finds a real girlfriend. Eventually, one of you will stop the cycle — and it’s better if that person is you.