I Am Slowly Learning That I Am Allowed To Be A Mess In My 20s

I am slowly learning that I am not behind because I am still living with my parents or because my ring finger is bare or because my dream job is still a distant dream. I am not lesser than the friends who are sending out save the dates, who are building Ikea cribs, who are settling into their forever homes with their forever people. They are not ahead of me. They are only at a different place in their life.

I am slowly learning that my twenties are a decade of growth. A decade of figuring out who I am and what expectations I have from this world. I am not meant to be complete. I am not meant to be whole. I am only meant to keep moving forward, to keep stretching outward. I am only meant to become a slightly better version of myself as the days pass amongst the calendar.

I am slowly learning that my twenties are meant to be lived — not meant to go by in a blur while I go to work, go to sleep, and repeat the process again in the morning. I am slowly learning how important it is to relax, to let loose, to give the adulting a break and run wild.

I am slowly learning that my twenties are allowed to be untamed and adventurous. I am allowed to sip from salt rimmed drinks and sleep on the couches of friends. I am allowed to bar hop on weeknights and drive hours into the city for concerts. I am allowed to be a mixture of an adult and a teenager. I am allowed to act mature and childish at the same time.

I am slowly learning that my timeline can be rewritten. Although I expected to reach certain milestones by this age, plans can change. Desires can change. Passions can change. My path is forever shifting beneath my feet. I cannot see exactly where this road is taking me. I can only hope that I am heading in the right direction.

I am slowly learning how much time is in front of me. I am slowly learning to enjoy my youth while it lingers. I am slowly learning to focus on the moment instead of worrying about what may or may not happen in the future. I am slowly learning to appreciate the universe I have created for myself instead of wishing for a daydream. I am slowly learning that I am not doing half bad.

I am slowly learning to be proud of my accomplishments, even if they seem tiny to certain eyes. I am proud of working a full-time job, even though I’m not using my degree and am still struggle to pay the rent. I am proud of the relationships I have forged, even if none of them have led to marriage. I am proud of the kind of person I am, even though I have flaws. I am trying my best. I am giving my all.

My twenties are not what I thought they would be — but they are mine and they are meaningful.