I am not the kind of person who says I love you after two weeks of knowing you. I am not the kind of person who asks to move in together after a month and wants to get married after a year. I am not the kind of person who rushes into commitment, who assumes that a happily ever after is on the horizon.
There’s nothing wrong with being that person — but it’s just not me. It never has been.
I have always been hesitant, the kind of person who takes things slow and steady to stay safe. I don’t need a ring on my finger right now. I don’t need papers to prove our love. I need to get to know you. I need time. I need to know that I am with the right person before I agree to spend the rest of my life alongside them.
I have never considered myself a hopeless romantic, but I have never considered myself a skeptic either. I am a realist. I am not going to date you until you prove that you are worth my time. I am not going to marry you until I figure out whether it makes the most sense for me, whether it will lead to the largest amount of happiness.
I don’t jump into things without thinking them through thoroughly, so if I enter a relationship with you, if I trust you enough to hand you my heart, then that means I really love you. It means that I am serious about you. It means that you better not screw me over because I do not give out affection freely.
I am not the kind of person who falls in love easily. I am not the kind of person who bounces from serious relationship to serious relationship. I am not the kind of person who claims to have met the love of my life every time I go on another date.
If I refer to you as my soulmate, then you must really mean something to me. If you meet my family, you must really mean something to me. If we hit the one-year mark of a relationship, you must really mean something to me.
I am not going to look you in the eyes and tell you I love you unless I am sure about the words. I am not going to talk to you about marriage, even hypothetically, unless I can genuinly picture it happening. I am not going to lead you on by pretending to like you more than I actually do. I am going to be painstakingly honest with you, even when it’s awkward, even when it hurts. So if I say that I want to be with you forever, you bet your ass that I mean it.
Commitment scares me, so if I am able to push my fears aside to stay with you, then you must really mean something to me. You must be the person I am meant to be with.