Thought Catalog

7 Ways You Are Accidentally Ruining Your Life By Being ‘Too Nice’

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Girl who is too nice
Unsplash / Daniel Apodaca

1. You never have any time for yourself. You don’t get nearly enough sleep or enough time to lounge around and watch Netflix in bed by yourself because you’re always working overtime or helping a friend sort through their problems or going to a party that you would rather skip. Most of the time, you don’t want to be wherever you are. Most of the time, you wish you were somewhere else, but you would never dream of leaving because of your big heart.

2. You don’t respect yourself enough. You let yourself get walked over. You never speak up when your friends choose a restaurant or movie that you don’t actually want anything to do with. Or maybe you do speak up, but they don’t seem to care, because they are used to having things their way. And you let that happen. You let them treat you like they’re the boss and you’re one of their loyal followers.

3. You keep choosing others over yourself. You have a problem saying no. You never want to disappoint anyone, so you do whatever they ask you to do — even if that means that you are going to have to go out of your way. Even if that means that you are going to have more on your plate than you can realistically handle. Even if that means you are going to grow even more tired and stressed and resentful.

4. You aren’t concerned with your own happiness. You care more about whether your best friend or parent or life partner is happy than if you are happy. You will pick movies they will love and you will hate. You will make dinners they will love and you will hate. You will bend over backwards to make them happy, but you won’t put in the same effort to make yourself happy. You care less about yourself than anyone else in this world and that is a big problem.

5. You think too little of yourself. You say sorry whenever someone bumps into you or answers a question for you. It makes you sound like you were the one in the wrong. Even worse, it makes you feel like you are the one in the wrong. It puts you in a dangerous mindset where you think that you are always a bother, that you are always making some sort of a mistake.

6. Your friendships are unhealthy. You are giving more than you are getting. You have no problem listening to your friends talk about the same problems day after day, but if they ask you about your problems, you’ll pretend to be fine. You’ll pretend you don’t need to talk to anyone. You’ll pretend that you are fine being the person who everyone comes to for advice, even though you secretly wish they would listen to you for a change.

7. You settle for a life that makes you unhappy. You hate confrontation. You’re afraid to talk to your boss one-on-one, so you never ask for a raise. You’re afraid your friends will abandon you, so you never put them in their place when they make mean jokes. You’re afraid of losing everything you have by speaking your mind and raising your standards, so you settle for far less than you deserve. TC mark

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