I want to text you, but I know that we wouldn’t be able to handle the consequences. I know that there is too much sexual tension between us to last as just friends. I know that if we went back to talking every single day, then we would feel the same sparks that we used to feel — and that would end badly for both of us.

I want to text you, but it would ruin all of the progress that I’ve made. I might not be over you yet, but I am closer to getting over you than I used to be once upon a time. And if you were suddenly back in my life, I would go right back to square one. I would go right back to wanting you and only you.

I want to text you, but I am terrified that you won’t be happy to hear from me. That seeing my name across your screen will ruin your day instead of enhance it. I am scared that you won’t answer me. That you will leave my texts unanswered, proving that you don’t care about me anymore. That you are happier without me in your life.

I want to text you, but I know you won’t tell me what I want to hear. I know that the fairy tale version of our conversation that I keep imagining in my mind isn’t realistic. You aren’t going to say sorry and ask if we can try again. You aren’t going to have some reasonable excuse for why we fell apart and call me the one who got away.

I want to text you, but I don’t even know what I would say to you. There are so many questions that I have wanted to ask you since I’ve last seen you, but all of them would make things more awkward between us. They might not bring me any closure. They might only make things worse. They might only open up old wounds that should be healed by now.

I want to text you, but I don’t want you to realize how much I have been thinking about you lately. I don’t want you to know that it has been killing me to stay so far away from you. I don’t want you to see that you still have a place in my heart when I’m unsure if I still have a place in yours.

I want to text you, but I know that it would be a bad idea. I know that it would only make things worse.

I want to text you, but honestly, I am happy without you. I am surviving without you. I am thriving without you. There are moments of weakness when I want to give into temptation and talk to you again, but most of the time, I am fine. I am better than fine. I am living my best life now that you are gone.

I want to text you, but I am going to try to hold myself back. I am going to try to keep my standards high. I am going to try to keep you in my past.