Girls who suck with expressing their feelings struggle to open themselves up, even when they find their forever person. The person they trust more than anything. The person who they wish they felt comfortable talking to about anything and everything.
But she swears she is fine when the opposite is true, because she doesn’t want to cause a problem. She doesn’t want to be a bother. She has dealt with her issues on her own for so long that it only feels natural to keep them to herself. After all, she is strong enough to handle them alone. She can get over them without outside help.
The only emotion she is comfortable expressing is anger. She never hesitates to complain about the bad day she had at work or how much she hates the neighbor who keeps her up all night long. If she is annoyed, she won’t hold herself back from talking about it.
But if she is genuinely upset about something to the point of tears? She will cry in her room. She will lock herself away and wipe away the evidence before coming back out, so no one realizes she was crying.
And if, somehow, she ends up crying in front of her person, she gets hit with a wave of embarrassment. She feels weak. Childish. Like she should have been able to hold herself together. Like there is something wrong with her for being real for once.
She hates letting her vulnerable side show. That is why she is so bad at having tough conversations.
When her person gets annoyed with her, her first instinct is to defend herself. Instead of talking out the problem and trying to come to a reasonable compromise, she immediately tries to justify herself because she feels like she is under attack. She feels like she has to explain why she didn’t do anything wrong. Why she had a right to do whatever it is that she did. Instead of trying to understand where her person is coming from, she ignores their feelings to focus on her own.
Even worse, during intense conversations, she checks out. She stares at her phone. At the wall. At the floor. She looks everywhere, except into her person’s eyes, because she feels uncomfortable with emotions. She doesn’t want to talk about how she feels. She would rather talk about it later that night over text so that she has some space. Or better yet, she would rather pretend that the problem doesn’t exist at all.
Since she feels so uneasy around emotions, she doesn’t know what to do when confronted with raw honesty. When her person cries in front of her, what is she meant to do? Make them laugh and forget about it? Encourage them to talk about it? Hug them? Kiss them?
Sometimes, even she doesn’t understand why she feels the way that she feels – so it’s hard for her to imagine how anyone else feels. It’s hard for her to deal with all of the emotions that being in a relationship entails.
But she is trying. It might not look like it, but she really is.