She feels like a hypocrite, because every piece of her personality is in conflict. Because, sometimes, she isn’t even sure who she is inside.
She is a romantic, but she is also a skeptic. She wants candlelit dinners on the beach. Flowers scattered across bedsheets. Late night drives with the music blasting. She wants to find someone who makes her feel safe, comfortable, at ease. Someone she can always trust to be there for her.
But at the same time, she doesn’t believe in love. She thinks that everyone is going to hurt her in the end. That monogamy is dead, along with chivalry. That she doesn’t stand a chance of finding the right person for her and is going to spend the rest of her life alone.
She loves herself, but she also hates herself. She looks in the mirror and thinks about how hot she looks, how anyone would be lucky to have her. She admires pretty photographs of herself. She makes jokes about how sexy she is — and in that moment, she means it.
But at the same time, she looks in the mirror and thinks about how horrible she looks, how many flaws she has. She cringes at awkward photographs of herself. She makes jokes about how ugly she is — and in that moment, she means it.
She is a sweetheart, but she is also a total bitch. She will drive an hour to help a friend in need. She will answer the phone at any time when her mother calls. She will give money to charity and cry over sad commercials.
But at the same time, she takes forever to answer texts. She makes fun of everyone with her friends. She has no problem cursing someone out or raising her middle finger when she is on the road. She doesn’t give a shit about what they think of her.
She is an optimist, but also a pessimist. She gives out second chances. She sees the best in people. She tries to step into their shoes and see the world from their point of view. She tries to understand where they are coming from, because in her eyes, everyone is equal. Everyone is beautiful.
But at the same time, she can’t stand people. She thinks that everyone has their own secrets, their own intentions. That everyone is inherently selfish and will do what is best for them, regardless of how it makes others feel. She thinks that she is alone in life, because no one else can be counted on. She can only rely on herself.
She is intelligent, but she is also an idiot. She sees her own worth. She knows what she deserves from friendships and relationships. She talks about how she is happy being single and is going to hold out for someone who treats her right.
But at the same time, she lets people walk over her. She lets her love for them eclipse her common sense. She lowers her standards when she finds someone she can’t imagine living without, because she kind of hates being single.
She is strong, but also vulnerable. She is happy, but also stressed. She is easy to understand, but also complicated as hell.