Whenever you text me, I’m flattered that you thought of me. I’m relieved you messaged first. I’m excited to flirt with you and see where it takes us.
But somehow, by the end of the conversation, I always end up disappointed.
It either happens when you stop replying out of nowhere, when you answer with one word and ruin the flow of conversation, or when you mention something that makes my heart sink — another girl, another ex, another reason to make me think that we’re never going to get together.
I can’t keep texting you when it always ends in disappointment. With my heart sinking, because you will never feel the same way about me. With me hating myself and wondering why I even bother talking to you.
I know I shouldn’t make such a big deal out of a text message, over a few scattered words across the screen, but I can tell how you feel about me by how quickly you answer me. By the way you talk to me.
It ruins my day when you tell me you don’t have time to hang out (even though I would rearrange my entire schedule for you). When you mention that you’re seeing a friend tonight (and I’m stuck wondering if it’s another girl). When you reply to my flirting with something tame (that makes me assume you aren’t interested).
It might sound childish, I can’t keep texting you if we aren’t going to get together. I don’t want to be the friend you run to when you need girl advice. I don’t want to be the shoulder you lean on when you’ve had a bad day and the ghost you ignore when you’ve had a good day.
If you don’t want to enter a real relationship with me, do me a favor and let me go. Let me delete your number from my phone so I have the opportunity to move on. So I don’t jump every time I hear a notification and become disappointed when it’s not your name I see.
As long as you’re texting me, I am never going to get over you. As long as you keep texting me, I think I have a chance with you.
Because every time you text me, I get my hopes up. It doesn’t matter if the text is as simple as hey or what’s up. The fact that you were thinking of me is enough. It tricks me into believing that you care. That you are interested in me.
Every time you text me, I fall harder for you. Every time you text me, the idea of never dating you hurts that much more.
Every time you text me, no matter how long it’s been since I’ve heard from you, I go right back to square one. I think of you for the rest of the day. You get stuck on my mind and there’s no way to force you out.
It’s finally time to end this pattern. I can’t keep texting you because it always ends in disappointment. It always ends in the realization that we are never going to be more than two people who flirt over the phone.