My Whole World Would Be Different If I Wasn’t So Insecure

Insecure girl
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If I wasn’t so insecure, I wouldn’t overanalyze silly little things, like if someone took too long to text me back or said they were too busy to see me. I would let it roll off of my back instead of wondering if I did something wrong, if I should have tried harder, if they secretly hate me.

If I wasn’t so insecure, it wouldn’t take three shots of vodka to make me feel attractive. I wouldn’t have to be tipsy to start a conversation with someone. I wouldn’t have to hold a beer in my hand in order to get through a social event.

If I wasn’t so insecure, I wouldn’t spend as much time in front of the mirror. I wouldn’t mind leaving the house without doing my hair and makeup beforehand. I wouldn’t glance in every reflective surface I walked passed and check myself in my phone camera to make sure that I still looked decent later on in the day.

If I wasn’t so insecure, I would post more photographs. Instead of taking twenty selfies and only saving the one that looks best, I would take one and be done with it. And I wouldn’t complain to my friends when they tagged me in a photo with messy hair and baggy eyes, because I would care more about the memory than the way I happened to look.

If I wasn’t so insecure, I would pay less attention to the likes I got and the compliments I received. I wouldn’t need someone else’s approval on my outfit or my new hair color in order to feel good about it. I wouldn’t give a damn about anyone else’s opinion.

If I wasn’t so insecure, I wouldn’t get jealous of all of the women who are prettier than me. Women with abs who know how to contour and how to keep their skin clear. Women I wish I was more like.

If I wasn’t so insecure, I wouldn’t have as many trust issues. I wouldn’t hesitate before jumping into relationships like I do now because I can’t understand how anyone could possibly like me. I wouldn’t always assume people were using me. That they were eventually going to leave me for someone better.

If I wasn’t so insecure, I wouldn’t hold myself back from following my heart. I would put myself out there. I would take more risks. I would walk up to the cute guy at the bar or ask the coworker I have a friend-crush on to get drinks. I would actually be social.

If I wasn’t so insecure, I wouldn’t cry in front of mirrors and inside of changing rooms. I wouldn’t think about how maybe I should consider plastic surgery or at least get my hair dyed again. I wouldn’t want to change every single thing about myself.

If I wasn’t so insecure, I would be happier. I would actually be able to enjoy my life instead of stressing over petty things. I would actually be able to say that I love myself. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Holly is the author of Severe(d): A Creepy Poetry Collection.

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