35 Men And Women Reveal Why They Dumped Their Significant Other (And The Reasons Will Shock You)

1. What the hell

He told me he wanted me to cheat on him with a black man, get pregnant by said black man, and force him to raise it as the ultimate humiliation.

Fetishes are fetishes, but I noped the fuck out fast.

2. Cheating is cheating

She told me she was in love with her best friend (and me). Her best friend was a straight female. I have no issues with homosexuality, but she said that she approached her trying to make a relationship happen when the friend shot her down. She came to me all upset about it.

“So you tried to cheat on me and you want me to console you now that it didn’t work.”

“No, it’s not like that, she’s a girl.”

Gay cheating is still cheating.

3. Seriously?

Dated a girl who had studied taekwondo for about seven years, I had studied it for about nine years at the time. She was 100% convinced she could disarm someone with a gun to her temple before they could fire. After I demonstrated to her ~30 times with a Nerf gun that she was wrong, she rolled her eyes and said “Let’s go grab my dad’s Colt and then I can prove it to you!”

She ran upstairs, I ran out the door.

4. She was from Louisiana

I was dating a girl when I was still in my teens, and she confirmed something I had been suspecting, which caused me to nopenopenope.

She left clues here and there that she had “special powers”. I noticed this most frequently when she was driving. At red lights, she’d do this little thing with her fingers, and when the light would turn green, she’d have this satisfied look on her face as though she made it turn green, when in reality, she’d just do the finger thing until it turned normally. But she believed it.

Eventually, I queried her about it and she told me she was a witch and that she could make things happen, and that any time I upset her, she could put a spell on my dick and make it fall off.

I’ve never believed in those sorts of things, but to be honest, I didn’t break up with her right away for fear of her making my dick fall off. I mean, if there’s even the SLIGHTEST chance that shit is real, I’m not staking my dick on it. So I just slowly became a boring boyfriend on purpose until it became apparent that I could maneuver an amicable breakup, which worked out well.

The most relieving thing she said that night when we broke it off is, “don’t worry, I’m not going to put a spell on your dick”.

Phew.

5. Meth or math…?

Yes. She was drunk off her ass, and had just puked all over my apartment in fact! After I had cleaned her up in the shower and put her in my bed… she looks at me in a moment of clarity and says… “You’re such a nice guy. I’ve been lying to you for so long. I do meth every day.”

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7. Innocence, begone

When I was in second grade, my then girlfriend (whom I had been dating since recess that same day) told me that she talked to my friend, Josh. I ditched her right there because I didn’t tolerate that level of betrayal in second grade.

8. She sounds like an awful human being

I was on a date with a lass I’d met online. We’d spent a while messaging and PMing, all the usual things. After a month or so, we did the date thing.
Anyway, she had a job with a local religion-based charity, working in their office. She was also from money – was obviously very well dressed, and had told me once that she was working more for the work than any need to financially.

Great! Sit down to dinner, good steak joint, enjoying food when this exchange takes place:

Me – “So, why the Religious Charity? Is it for helping out people who need a hand?”

Her – “Oh no, it’s the discounts!”

Me – “I don’t understand. What discounts?”

Her – “Dude, when you work for a charity, everything is tax deductible. I even get some of my rent subsidised! You know the best bit though? Because I work in head office, I get to see all the clothes that get donated. I get my pick of the bunch before they even leave the office. And they’re free!”

Me – “Free? How are they free?”

Her – “I’m there alone most of the time. Who knows?”

Me – “So … you’re wealthy enough that work isn’t a necessity, yet you’re using a charity to reduce your tax obligation and stealing clothes from the charity?!”

Her – “It’s not stealing!! Those are donated items, and when I see them the charity has no way of proving they aren’t mine anyway. Smart, eh?”

I sat there for a few seconds chewing my steak, considering my options. I’m not usually balls-out, but I figured this was a good time:

Me – “Well, since you’ve got this money shit well figured out and have so much, you can pay for this meal. Have a shitty life”, got up and left.

I stopped by the dude at the front door and told him I’d be back in a few to explain the exchange (she was pretty loud), walked out.

She called a couple times, I ignored that shit, walked around the block and came back in.

Yep, she’d skipped – slipped out the back, I think. Whatever.

Spoke with the head waiter, explained the situation and the exchange. I offered to pay, but the dude waived the meal, and told me she’d be banned from then out. GG Waiter.

9. This is a no-no

She was mean to my dog.

10. What?!

“I cheated on you 9 months ago, with three other guys.”

11. Bread puns are great — they always rise to the occasion

In this case, I was the SO with an apparent character flaw.

I had been seeing a gal for a few months and things were going well. One night we decided to bake some bread. Now, you should know that I have inherited my dad’s sense of humor, so I have been telling dad jokes for my whole life. This night was no different. Through the entire baking process I was making bread/baking puns. I thought they were great, but she did not. The next morning she broke it off.

12. Started hissing at a family

Her dad was in the army. We went to the mall. We walked past a middle eastern family… And she starts hissing at them.

13. You couldn’t tell when you saw the swastika carved on her furniture and the nazi flag above her bed?

A girl I’d been dating for about a month turned out to be a neo-nazi sympathizer. That was a deal breaker.

14. So what’s the fanny pack for?

I dated a guy for about a week when he told me about his past. When he was 15 he and his uncle stole a car, drove it to a field, and then set it on fire. The next day, afraid of getting caught, he ran away to another state. A few years later he got arrested for having sex with a 12 year-old that he swore was 17. He’d recently gotten out of jail, and the reason he wore a fanny pack and really baggy jeans even in the middle of summer was because he had an electronic tracking anklet.

Too many bad decisions – I really didn’t want to get wrapped up in another.

15. Noped out of there real quick

I dated a guy for three years and out of nowhere he confesses he had a sister complex and that he was a zoophile… and pleaded me to partake in that lifestyle. With his dog.

I left so quickly.

16. Pedophile

Not really an SO, just a guy I went on a few dates with. He was really nice, but on the third date I found out he was listed as a sexual offender. He had been in possession of child pornography several years earlier and had served time in prison for a few years for it. I noped out of there immediately. I’m an elementary school teacher, so that wasn’t going to fly.

17. This is a really good man

She was unbelievably hot and way out of my league and she liked me for whatever reason.

Then she started getting casually racist. I was like, okay. Stop that. Then she got really racist like a day later. So I just broke up with her.

Took a lot of willpower.

18. What the hell?

Found out she put a tracking device on my car and had her mother follow me around. I never cheated on her or had given her reason to think I was doing anything wrong. Her mother hated me and always tried to convince her I was up to something. Got out of it when I realized I was being followed around and stalked. Crazy bitch.

19. That’s a really horrible boyfriend

More a revelation of his personality than a confession, but I had a pregnancy scare years ago and my ex immediately cut off all forms of contact. As soon as he found out that it was indeed just a scare, he resumed contact as though nothing had happened…including an attempt at cam sex. Nope.

20. I almost did the same, except she pronounced Houston Street like the city.

I almost divorced my wife when I found out she didn’t return shopping carts to the corral.

21. My little dog snores like a demon

Telling me she’s still involved with the guy she has a kid with right after we finish hooking up. I like her, but I can only deal with so much.

Also there was a girl who had a really bad snore and I’m a really light sleeper, so after one night it was like, “Well, that’ll never work.”

22. Uh, what?

I was in the military and was dating this girl. She asked if I had a purple heart. I said no. She told me to get my ass back to Afghanistan and get one so our kids can have free college.

That was about 3 weeks into it.

23. “Who reads books anymore?”

“I don’t read….books”

The disdain with which she said “books” stopped all questions in my throat, and the relationship was pretty much dead there.

24. Wait, did she really just say that

My SO of 6+ years and I had just moved into a new place with my best friend, and she was not happy with the amount of time I spent with my friend, resulting in a few fights. He had been in a pretty bad motorcycle accident a few months prior, and was still working on recovering from a broken femur. We were arguing about my division of time and she says, “I wish your friend had died in his accident.” Our relationship had been on a downward spiral for a while prior to this, but it was limping along because we were both still trying to make things better. This was the straw that shattered the camel’s back with extreme prejudice.

25. I hope he went to jail

He told me he was attracted to little girls and if i really loved him I’d take naked pictures of the little girls I was babysitting. I called the cops.

26. Fuck intolerance — seriously

I had a girlfriend who was Baptist. I’m Catholic. We dated for a year and a half in college and she came back from Christmas break with a book her parents gave her called. I shit you not. “What Catholics believe and why they’re wrong”. She told me she believed everything the book said and that if I wanted to keep dating I had to become Baptist.

Fuck intolerance and fuck her. I was out!

27. What the hell

That I was dropping her off for dinner with her friends.

At a swingers club.

I was not invited.

28. A little too…open minded for me

I had a an ex who admitted that she was very sexually open. At first i took that to mean awesome threesomes with her girlfriends. She invited me to her house for a nice dinner and to “hang out” afterwards…giggidy.

Dinner was great, her parents were not going to be home for another hour or so and she said she had pecan pie for dessert. Wonderful! Pie and sexy pie!

She served me, and while she fed me little by little she revealed that when she came back from college she came back very open minded, very aware of her sexuality and what she wanted to please herself, she explained that many things are taboo when they shouldn’t be.

My mouth was full of pecan pie when she then told me she had an active sexual relationship with her parents.

I respectfully declined more pecan pie and her pie.

29. Seriously?

A girl I had dated for about a month one day told me she met a cute guy at the mall and felt resentful towards me because she felt like I was tying her down. That was the last conversation we had, despite her later trying to add me on facebook and sending me random texts like nothing ever happened.

30. What the hell do you do

Dated this guy for about 6 months or so, started to feel the relationship break apart. Tried to talk to him about it and suggested we part ways… Then he told me that he would kill himself if we ever broke up. Deadpan serious. And with his history of depression I believed him.

So over a long period of “Oh fuck now what,” and feeling trapped in the relationship, I eventually just told him it wasn’t working and that I wouldn’t be responsible for his decisions afterwards.

Don’t pull that shit on someone. Ever.

31. Not his fault, but history’s

Well, it wasn’t my SO, but his family. When I was in college, about 20 years ago now (Jesus, sometimes I have to let that number sink in), I had a boyfriend who had a very German first name. I knew his family was German, because I would have had to be an idiot not to. Anyway, we dated for a while and he was getting pretty serious about me. I was feeling strangely ambivalent about him, though he was a nice enough guy. One day, he invited me out to his parents’ to have dinner. Met mom and dad… they were nice too. Dad was so stereotypically German. He had on corduroy shorts and sandals with socks, and he told me about being a bicycle racer when he was young. It was all very homey and sweet and then…

… his dad mentioned being in the SS during the war. An officer in the SS.

One quarter of my family died in the Holocaust. My dad is Jewish.

I tried to stay open minded about this, but I just couldn’t. I knew that no matter what, I couldn’t get serious about someone whose dad was in the SS. I couldn’t hang out at their house, or be close to his family. So I broke up with him, two days later. He was a really nice kid, but that was a no-go for me. I know not all SS officers were directly involved with the concentration camps, but pretty much all SS officers knew what the heck Hitler was up to at some point.

32. If the relationship gets boring

She told me she wanted to be able to explore sexually with other partners if things worked out long term for us and if it ever got boring down the road. We had been dating only 3 months, and it was just weird to me to have a future dated stipulation like that. I’m not judging others who do it, it’s just not for me. So I dumped her.

33. Michael Jackson reincarnate

“While babysitting I once held the baby over a balcony for a few seconds just to feel a rush.”

34. I probably would’ve accepted that too

She once told me that in the past she was really into the ‘underworld’. She was in a jacuzzi with a group of Russian mobsters and they started a bidding war to get her to have sex with one of them. She accepted €5,000.

35. “Things would get ‘stabby’…”

Guy I dated told me he was a demigod. That Zeus had come down and had sex with his mom in the form of her sancho. He would throw “energy balls” at buildings, with sound effects and all. Said if I ever broke up with him, things would get “stabby”. Did everything I could to get him to break up with me, it eventually worked when I told him I had no intention of ever marrying him.