30 Women Talk About The Cringeworthy Things Guys Do To Try And Impress Them
1. “Lose the zero and…go with the hero”
Shit-talk my SO as if that will make me change my mind and hop on your dick instead.
2. Junk mail
Dick pics. You’re gross.
3. I’ve been revving my engine for no reason
I once went on a second date with a guy who came to pick me up. I live in apartments and try to be super considerate of my neighbors all the time. As soon as I get in his car he starts revving his engine super loud. A.) I’m not impressed by that, whatsoever and B.) I’m sure none of my neighbors appreciated the noise.
That was our last date.
4. Errr…
5. What, why
Immediately bragging or showing off within 5 minutes of conversation. That includes how much you make, your job, etc. One guy at a bar last week grabbed my arm to shout in my ear, “I HAD CANCER WHEN I WAS A KID.” Yeah, don’t do that…
6. No bros
Discuss their muscles, sexual prowess, how much they can drink before puking, how much they drank last night before they puked….
7. No NASCAR drivers
Crazy driving. Maybe once I’ve known you for a while and understand that you have total control of your car, I’ll be more comfortable with you driving fast and reckless; but until then, showing me how you can drift around a corner just makes me think you’re being reckless with my life. Please stop.
8. What the hell
One time a guy was showing me some picture he took on his phone. As he’s scrolling, tons of nudes from other girls pop up in his camera role. Like WTF dude this is our first date, I don’t want to see sketchy pictures like that. At least save them to another album.
9. Why would you do this in the first place
Bash on women. It literally makes no sense but it’s so common.
10. Say it while wearing a fedora
M’Lady
11. Don’t tell girls that
Tell me how many girls they have slept with. Most of the time they are lying, and if they aren’t then…eww.
12. Don’t be a racist
Went out with a dude I got set up with. He seemed okay, albeit not my type. But I’m like whatever. We’ll eat and have an alright time. Nope. We get to the restaurant and as soon as. our (latina) waitress leaves he starts spewing all of this garbage about “mexicans”, saying they’re lazy and that he wanted a new server. Awful. I just looked at him, went “Lamento que te sientas asi.” and broke out of there.
13. Don’t overdo it
Constantly call me sexy, beautiful, etc. when they’ve just met me.
Example: “Hey what’s up? I think you’re sexy as hell, we should hang out.”
It makes me feel like a piece of meat and makes you look shallow.
14. But what if everyone starts singing it
Pick up a guitar during a party and play Wonderwall.
15. Yes, belittle women. That will get you far on your date
For some reason at the university I go to it’s a really big thing for guys to brag about how broke they are. This is almost always at the bars where they are spending copious amounts of money on drinks. “Ah man! I’m so broke. I have like no money and that’s why I’m drinking Hamm’s all night.” It’s not impressive and coming from a low-income background it pisses me off. No, you are not broke and if you are it’s only because you’re walking around in expensive clothes and going to bars every night. People who are actually dirt poor do not brag about it. Why is this a thing to brag about?
Trying to act like they know more about a subject than they really do. People know when your bullshitting. I respect people more for humbly saying “I don’t actually know very much about that so I can’t comment.” In the same vein, acting like there’s no possible way I could know more about math or science or politics than them because I have tits and a vagina.
“Wow girls who look like you usually aren’t this smart. Good for you!” “Why would you want to worry your pretty little head with grad school?” Negging is not a good strategy for picking up quality women. Move on to the fall over drunk ones who are barely coherent enough to notice how awful you are if you want to continue these actions.
16. Droppin’ bills like it’s their job
Flaunting their wealth. I’m sure that is a turn-on for some girls, but for me and most people I know, it just screams “douche-bag”.
17. Oh, uh, I love White Chicks too
The biggest one for me is lying about the things he’s into just because I said I said I’m into those things. If you’ve never seen Blade Runner, for example, don’t say you have just because its my favorite film. I can always tell when they’re lying about this and I don’t think its sweet.
Another thing is demanding to pay for everything. I appreciate when guys pay, but I like to pay once in a while too. This isn’t the 1950s and I have a job, so let me treat sometimes.
18. Many of these things we do because we think it’s masculine?
As a woman of circa thirty with big boobs, I’ve seen a lot of that. Some of the things guys think will impress me are truly bizarre, and I can only assume they’re ideas found in some “mars/venus” bullshit and legitimised by women who act like impressionable idiots as part of their flirting “strategy.”
General “alpha” behavior. Yes, you may be stronger than me. But wrenching things out of my hands because “let MAN do the job!” or telling me what I think or should think is not something that will get you under my skirt.
Following up on that, aggression and hostility towards others, especially other men. You think I need “protection”? Ok, fine. You think you need to pound your chest and bare your teeth at every passing male? I’m out.
Badmouthing other women. You may think that telling me about that one chick who was sooo ugly and fat will be hilarious, and will suggest to me that I’m not ugly and fat and we can laugh at her together, right? All it suggests is that you’re an abrasive arsehole. Also, sexism – yes, there are men who think that dropping remarks like “women should not be allowed to drive” will make me feel so awesome that despite their hatred for all that is female they still stoop to interacting with me. Or something. Dunno.
Bragging. If you’re doing cool stuff, I will want to hear about it. But cool stuff does not become cooler when you adopt a condescending, braggart tone. I have a friend who travels a lot and he can always tell you what he saw and why did he think that particular spot was interesting and he tells you how cool these places were, not how cool he is for having gone there. Whether you’re skydiving or playing league of legends, tell me how great that activity is, not how great you are.
Speaking of negative behavior as if it were good. The fact that you got black-out drunk/do drugs/have beaten someone/have hurt someone/slept with a girl and never returned her calls/break law while driving is not a good thing. Quit behaving as if it was a good thing.
19. Don’t even try
When they try to impress me with their knowledge without taking my own into consideration. For example this guy recently tried hitting on me in a parking lot. He then started giving me bad car advice, and it was obvious I knew more than him in mechanics.
20. Cringe away!
Trying to be classy when it’s sexy time. It’s just creepy.
True story, my now husband and I were getting busy in the shower. He was giving me some fingering action and after checking out the goods he blurted out, “Mmmm you’re really starting to blossom.”
The muffin shop immediately closed its doors until further notice over that little chestnut. I’m wasn’t fucking creepy uncle that night.
21. Guys who one-up women also try to one-up men, too
Try to sound too intelligent in conversation/texts by throwing in an excess amount of uncommonly used words.
Usually this happens discussing things I like, as if they’re trying to one-up me on their knowledge of the topic or impress me with the fact they like it too.
22. *man these weights are heav – oh shit, a girl* HNNNNNNNGGGG
Guys at the gym that start grunting and thrusting dramatically while working out when a female is present.
23. Please keep it down
I don’t like loud obnoxious guys. Sure, if were at a bar and you’re drunk and yelling that’s one thing, but to just be loud and obnoxious all the time embarrasses me. If we’re getting coffee the people at the other end of the patio shouldn’t know what we’re talking about.
24. Cool your jets, man
Constant sexual talk. I’m quite open to flirting, sexy talk sometimes but it doesn’t have to be a part of every single conversation.
25. In a whisper: Thank You Based God
When they say, “I could be with any girl right now, but I chose you.”
GOD BLESS YOU. OMG SO BLESSED.
26. They can sense your bullshit
The whole “but I’m a nice guy” act. If you really were a nice guy you wouldn’t have to tell me that.
27. Het got what was coming
Went on one date with a guy. He’d been an extra in some movie where he’d actually had a line addressed to the main character. Now, don’t get me wrong, that’s neat and we’re seeing the movie after dinner just for that 15 second part, but the guy seriously couldn’t talk about anything else, unless it was how ‘famous’ he is now, or the autographs he thought he’d be signing after we watched it. He spent the entire meal talking about himself and this two days of his life. I only felt a little bad when we watched the movie and his scene had been cut.
28. What if they’re already smiling
Walking up to a girl who is just relaxing and telling her to smile. GTFO OF HERE. It’s not cute nor endearing. I don’t really want to be with a man who is already correcting me and we aren’t even acquaintances. Sod right off.
29. Drunk and high driving 24/7, burn-booze cruise, bitches
Talking about how often they get drunk/high. Also bragging about how good of a driver they are when they’re drunk/high.
You’re not impressive, you’re a fucking douche.
30. Wow, this changes everything
I once had a guy try to impress me by telling me he had seen Nickleback in concert 5 times. It didn’t work.
