Let’s talk about “ex texts.”
An “ex text” is when you wake up to see that your ex-boyfriend had one too many adult beverages the night before and has violated your phone with drunken text messages, rehashing the past and how he messed up when he let you go. It is not often that men admit to the errors of their ways, especially when it comes to letting go of perfection like yourself, but when they do, it can make you feel as though you need to drown yourself in a bottle of Jack Daniels with a side of Ben and Jerry’s as your life raft.
Never fear my lady friends; after many years of extensive research and experience with idiots’ running back for second chances, let me tell you what you have to do to get through this awkwardly tragic moment in life without permanently damaging your liver:
1. Breathe. As it always happens, just as you are starting to get over that idiot, he comes rushing back, begging for forgiveness or simply just saying that he misses you. It will probably catch you off guard (not the fact that he is drunk, the fact he remembered your name and you dated for a brief moment in time), but you have to remember to breath. No crying, no freaking out, no hyperventilating and throwing your phone at a wall (because that will really show him who is boss). Take a few breaths and remember you are not alone; Many women have gone through the same thing that you are going through. Whether it was with carrier pigeons, smoke signals, instant messages on AOL, men are idiots. No reason to pass out over their stupidity, so breathe.
2. Be flattered and laugh. Doesn’t matter how you broke up. Doesn’t matter if it was a good or bad relationship. Doesn’t even matter if he has moved on to another woman or man (that just makes him a TERRIBLE PERSON), he is thinking about you. It might not be the most flattering text, it probably will be full of grammatical errors, you might even be able to smell the alcohol from the text, but there is still that moment in life where he is thinking about you. Take a moment out of your day to enjoy, laugh and be honored that somewhere in this world an idiot is thinking about you.
3. Share with your friends. Who needs a movie or dancing when you have pure entertainment from a drunk “ex text” to thrive on! This is one of the moments that girl friends were made for, because they completely get it! When we are sad we run to our friends for comfort, when we are happy we run to our friends to share in our happiness, but this should have you sprinting to their door step! It is the ultimate ego-boost to have a man you used to care about wanting you back again, even if your ex-boyfriend is Justin Bieber post bleaching his hair and looking like Draco Malfoy from Harry Potter. Grab a glass of wine, put on some Taylor Swift and enjoy the man bashing!
4. Do an activity. While it is fun to relish in the ego-boost of an “ex-text”, do not overthink it. Did any fairytale ever end in a drunken text? This is real life, not the Notebook. He did not physically write you a letter for 365 days, he got drunk and texted you. So go for a run, go on a shopping spree, you could even go to the zoo and jump in one of the exhibits to ride one of the animals; Not suggesting you do so, just saying that is better than losing your mind or damaging your liver overthinking what this contact could mean for your future relationship with this idiot.
5. Consider the past. Were you happy with him? Not the happiness as in getting ice cream or finding a dollar on the ground, the happiness when Victoria’s Secret is having a sale and you have a coupon – BIG DIFFERENCE. How did it end? Did you both decide to take some time off to figure out where you need to be or did he say he was not ready for a commitment to you, so he moved on to a stripper? Again – BIG DIFFERENCE in deciding if this relationship could ever work again.
6. Consider the present. Are you happy with your life right now? You have created a new life without him in it, so are you ready to go back to your old ways? What are the benefits to bringing him back into your life? (Other than buying you things, hanging out with his adorable cat that loved you more than him, stealing his Netflix account or cuddling purposes). Remember that the present is a gift – Do really want to be shopping at the Dollar Store for your relationship?
7. Consider your future. This is like a job interview – Where do you see yourself in the next five, ten, fifteen years? Can he benefit your future or is could he a hindrance? Example: Ex-boyfriend left a year ago to be with a stripper – He is now unemployed, living with said stripper girlfriend and has no prospect of changing his ways, but he misses you. While you now can consider yourself better than a stripper in more ways than one, he is not going to change his ways for you. This is not A Walk To Remember and “bad boy” Landon Carter is not going to change for you. This is your future, not a movie. Do not wait for the plot twist; Go make something of your future without him in it.
8. Miss him. By all means, you are allowed to miss him, but that doesn’t mean you have to act on it. There are a lot of lessons that you can learn for Eat, Pray, Love and this is one of them. As Julia Roberts told us, miss him. Send your love for him out into the universe, and then drop it. There is no need to hold on to that love or that hurt that keeps you from moving on. History will continue to repeat itself it if you continue to let it. You will be presented with the same challenges until you finally take a different path. Miss him, but don’t let history repeat itself.
9. Respond how you know best. It is up to you how you chose to respond. No one can judge you any different if you chose not to contact him back or if you chose to send him a ten page text telling him how you are forever better than the a cheap stripper that goes by the name Glitter or Barbie. You may look semi crazy to him, but at least you have said your peace and know that you can now move on. Everyone has their own way of getting through something and no one can guide you otherwise.
10. Move on. Don’t let this haunt you or hold you back. Whether it was a good or a bad relationship, it is over. Sometimes people need distant to realize what they need from a relationship or what they needed to learn from a relationship. You will find a guy that will treat you much so better than apologizing in a drunk text, because the right guy will not do that to you. Just remember that you are better than what you have settled for and keep moving on to better things. From this, learn your worth. The moment you do, you will stop giving discounts to those who do not deserve you.