I have always believed that God creates another person for you: another half, another piece of you, someone that makes your time on Earth make sense. I believe that the Lord knows what you need in a life partner. But, of course, as a goal oriented and determined woman, I had created my own checklist of what I thought I needed in a man, a partner. And so for the past few years I have searched for particular things in particular groups of people. But I just wasn’t finding what I thought was right for me; I was always coming out empty-handed.
There’s this phrase I’ve held onto and revisit whenever I feel like my path isn’t going the way I envisioned it for myself. It states, “My heart is at ease knowing that what was meant for me will never miss me, and that was misses me was never meant for me.” It’s the reminder that sometimes God places people and situations in your path for you to experience or learn from in hopes that you will be present and prepared when he sends you exactly what you need, whether that be a job or partner. But no matter what, if something is a part of His plan for you, it will appear when it was meant to.
And so because God’s timing is always perfect, the minute I felt my life was settling nicely, I met a man who didn’t appear to be what I wanted at all. I had finally secured a teaching contract in a district that I felt was reputable and would provide me growth. I was in a place where I could be my own person, and find out exactly what that meant as a professional, without having family and friends over my shoulder. I had secured a sought-after job, and was in the midst of searching for my first working-girl apartment in town in order to be a part of the community and close to work. Things in my life were falling perfectly into place.
On one of the last days of school of my first year I was introduced to another teacher in the building who I had seen a few times, but had never met. He was my age, and seemed a little eccentric, but kind. There was no immediate attraction, no crazy “AHA!” moment, no bolt of lightning that struck me. But there was conversation and laughter.
And so in the following days, when he reached out to say he’d had a nice time and wondered if I wanted to do it again, I was skeptical. I wasn’t sure he was “the one” and didn’t feel like getting into some tacky workplace romance. He wasn’t the type of guy I typically dated, and didn’t exactly look like the man I had envisioned sweeping me off my feet (that man, if you’re wondering, is something similar to Thor). But because I love to laugh, and he was funny, I decided it couldn’t hurt to have a little fun over the summer while I was trying to find a place to live in this new town.
So as the summer days went by and we spent more and more time together, I found myself a bit doubtful that our little relationship could actually become something. I mean, there’s that whole thing about not mixing business with pleasure, and truthfully, my ideal man would be in business so that at least one of us was making some money. But he made me smile and it was nice to meet a guy who wanted to have fun just like I did, and wasn’t interested in just bumming around the house playing video games and drinking mediocre beer. However, because this wasn’t my first rodeo, I was still moving incredibly slowly into this relationship in fear that it wouldn’t actually go anywhere. Why get my hopes up if this isn’t actually worth anything? Why pretend this is a love story if it’s really just a summer fling? I, a relationship cynic, was putting on the brakes at every turn, never truly giving this pretty awesome guy a real chance.
After what felt like a blink of an eye, the summer was winding down and I realized I had spent the majority of my time with him. Naturally, I was beginning to evaluate if the relationship should continue into the school year, and if this was something I really wanted to engage in. I recall telling a girlfriend, “I just don’t think he’s the one. So it’s probably not smart to drag it out…” She asked what “the one” meant, and I told her about my mental check list for the guy I would eventually settle down with. She understood what I meant, and asked me what exactly he wasn’t living up to in terms of my “list.”
“I mean he’s just a lot of energy, you know? A little bit crazy. But I do have so much fun with him. And he makes me laugh. And hanging out with him is typically the most fun part of my day…” I continued. She raised her eyebrows at me. Every time I started to say something complimentary about him, I talked myself out of it. Then, every time I said something slightly negative, I mentioned how positive and kind he was. I’m pretty sure I went back and forth with myself in that conversation for half an hour before she told me that if I was that indecisive, then I probably shouldn’t be making any permanent decisions.
After that conversation, I decided I needed to stop looking for a way out of this relationship and just let it be what it was. If it was going to be a summer of fun and nothing more, I was going to let it go. But if it was going to be an actual love story, I wasn’t going to be the one to ruin it for myself. The more I started to pay attention and fall into the pairing, the more I realized he was checking off more and more of my “list” that I was overlooking; I began noticing all the strangely perfect qualities this man had that absolutely fit my “checklist” because the checklist I had created was more than stature or job or eye color; it was things like personality, spirituality, family goals, and aspirations.
To be honest, it was kind of freaking me out. It was as if God was saying: “Here he is! I’ve been waiting to introduce you! He’s right here! Stop being so stubborn and skeptical and just pay attention!”
And the strangest thing was that I wasn’t bringing up these concepts as discussion topics; they were mentioned by him, in very natural and organic conversations. Meanwhile, I would be internally screaming that he might be able to read my mind. In addition, I was also startled that he was comfortable enough to have these deep conversations even after only knowing me for two months.
But it was God. It was always God. God was placing these conversations with this man in my path so that I could stop and really process what was happening before my eyes. The Holy Spirit was guiding me to these conversations in the most natural way. And so I started to follow where he was leading me.
Each turn where I started to question if this was the right relationship for me, if this was the right man for me, I’d be greeted with another instance or conversation where the Holy Spirit would show me again why this man was placed in front of me. It was getting hard to believe.
It was indescribable proof that God is in charge and he knows what is right for me. Instead of trying to control every single situation in my life, I needed to relinquish control and trust in the Lord. Without Him, I never would have met the person so incredibly made for me. It’s as if God was whispering to me the entire time, “Don’t worry, he’s right here. Just trust me. This will not miss you.”