What did the horse say when he fell down?

Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!

How do you communicate with a fish?

You drop it a line.

What do you call a lease of false teeth?

A dental rental.

Why does Where’s Waldo wear stripes?

He doesn’t want to be spotted.

What happened after David had his ID stolen?

We had to call him Dav.

How do dinosaurs decorate their kitchens?

With rep-tiles!

Do you know what’s really odd?

Numbers not divisible by 2.

What is the raddest aircraft?

The hella-copter.

What do you call an angry pea?

Grum-pea.

What did the house wear to the party>

Address.

Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen?

They might peel.

Why did the orange lose the race?

It ran out of juice.

What kind of shoes do frogs wear?

Open toed.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

Why don’t lobsters share?

Because they are shellfish.

What did the skunk say when the wind changed direction?

It all comes back to me now.

Why do phones ring?

Because they can’t talk!

What is the biggest room in the world?

Room for improvement.

What opens and shuts but is not a door or a window?

Your mind.

Where do kittens go on their class trip?

To the meowseum.

What falls down but never gets hurt?

Snow!

Why do marsupials make such good tea?

It’s koala tea.

What do you call a happy cowboy?

A jolly rancher.

Why did the mushroom get invited to the party?

He was a fungi.

What did the buffalo say to his kid when he went to work?

Bison.

What do you call a fancy sea creature?

Sofishticated.

What kind of dog doesn’t bark?

A hush puppy.

What planet is like a circus?

Saturn, it has three rings!

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay they would be called bagels.

Why do fish always sing off key?

Because you can’t tuna fish.

How do you know it’s been raining cats and dogs?

You step in a poodle.

What do you call a sad strawberry?

A blueberry.

Why did the lion eat a lightbulb?

He wanted a light lunch.

How does the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

What kind of bee can’t make up his mind?

A maybe.

How do you organize a space party?

Planet.

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

He wasn’t peeling well.

What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.

Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?

She’d let it go.

What do you call a lazy kangaroo?

A pouch potato.

What do you get when you cross a pig and a Christmas tree?

A porcupine.

Why is a pancake like the sun?

Because it rises in the yeast.

What did the bee say to the flower?

Hi bud!

Why didn’t the little girl want to leave nursery school?

She wanted to be a nurse when she grew up.

What is ten and ten?

Numbers.

What should you do if you’re carried out to sea on an iceberg?

Keep cool.

Why are sponges depressed?

They’re always soaking.

Why did the basketball player bring a duck to the game?

He wanted to shoot a foul shot.

What did the fork say to the spoon?

Who’s that sharp guy next to you?

What should you do if you don’t have any rubber bands?

See if you can find a plastic orchestra.

What is thin, white, and scary?

Homework.

What’s a mummy’s favorite food?

Wraps.

What kind of tea is the hardest?

Reality.

Why don’t birds follow directions?

They like to wing it.

Why should you never use a dull pencil?

It’s pointless.

Where do hamsters go on vacation?

Hamsterdam.

Why did the bird go to the hospital?

To get tweetment.

Where do cows go on Friday night?

To the mooovies.

What did the lunch lady say to Luke Skywalker?

Use the forks, Luke.

What did zero say to 8?

Nice belt.

What do you call a pile of cats?

A meowtain.

Who took the frog’s car?

It was toad.

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

Why did the skeleton go to the movie by itself?

It had no body.

What’s a parasite?

A place you go in Paris.

Why is a bad joke like a bad pencil?

Because it has no point.

Why did the chicken go to the library?

To check out a bawk.

What runs around a soccer field but never moves?

A fence.

If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does chicken come from?

A poultry.

What do you get when you cross a grape with a lion?

A grape nobody picks on.

How do you get a peanut to laugh?

Crack it up.

Why is a swordfish’s nose 11 inches long?

If it was twelve inches it would be a foot.

What did the pancake say to the baseball player?

Batter up!

What did the cheerleader say to the ghost?

Show your spirit!

Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.

Why was the apple so mean?

It was a crab apple.

What do you call a crab that plays baseball?

A pinch hitter.

What is the clumsiest bee?

A bumbling bee.

What kind of chain is edible?

A food chain.

How Do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?

Rocket

What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.

What goes tick-tock, woof-woof?

A watch dog.

How do you shoot a killer bee?

With a bee bee gun.

Why did the bowling pins stop working?

They went on a strike.

Why did the man throw his margarine?

He wanted to see the butter fly.

What did one triangle say to the other triangle?

Let’s get together and square dance.

What do you call a cat that eats lemons?

A sour puss.

Why did the strawberry cross the road?

His mother was in a jam.

What do you call a cow with a twitch?

Beef jerky.

What is the best way to keep water from running?

Stop paying the water bill.

What time was is when the elephant sat on a chair?

Time to get a new chair.

What did one eye say to the other?

Between me and you something smells.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!

What is smarter than a talking bird?

A spelling bee.

What did the grass say to the ball field?

I want to root for you.

What kind of tea cannot be taken into space?

Gravity.

Why do hamburgers go south for the winter?

So they don’t freeze their buns!

What did the finger say to the thumb?

I’m in glove with you.

How do billboards talk?

Sign language.

What kind of brush do you use to comb a bee’s hair?

A honeycomb.

Why was the cat afraid of the tree?

Because of it’s bark!

What did one shoe say to the other?

Don’t stick your tongue out at me!

What did the ground say to the dinosaur’s footprint?

You made a big impression on me.

Did you hear the joke about the toilet?

Never mind, it’s too dirty.

What did the guy say to the horse when he walked into the bar?

Why the long face?

When do you stop at green and go at red?

When you’re eating a watermelon!

What did the flower say to the bike?

Petal.

Why do we not tell secrets in a corn patch?

Too many ears.

What kind of tree grows in your hands?

A palmtree!

What kind of bean can’t grow?

A jellybean.

What happens when you cross a singer and a rocking chair?

You rock to the beat.

How do you mend a broken jack o’ lantern?

A pumpkin patch.

Where can you find an ocean without water?

A map.

What do you call a baby with a drum?

A baby boomer.

Whats green and fluffy and comes from mars?

A martian mellow.

Why couldn’t the shoes go out to play?

They were all tied up.

How do you turn soup into gold?

Add 24 carrots.

Why couldn’t the leopard go on vacation?

He couldn’t find the right spot!

What do you do if a rhino charges you?

Give him your credit card.

Why did they bury the battery?

Because it was dead.

How do you cut the ocean in half?

With a sea saw.

What do you call a car that never sleeps?

Cargo!

What foods are good for young people?

The pro-teens!

What did Tennessee?

The same think Arkansas.

What do sneezes wear on their feet?

Their ahhhh-shoes.

What building has the most stories?

The library.

What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer.

Can February march?

No, but April May.

What do wolves say when they are introduced?

Howl do you do?

What does a car run on?

Wheels.

Why did the farmer bury all his money?

To make his soil rich.

What did one campfire say to the other?

Let’s go out one of these days!

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What kind of bear has no teeth?

A gummy bear.

What room can no one enter?

A mushroom.

When does it rain money?

When there’s a change in the weather.

Why was the tomato blushing?

It saw the salad dressing.

What do frogs order at a restaurant?

French flies.

What do you call a grandmother who tells jokes?

A gram cracker.

What do you call a horse that likes arts & crafts?

A hobby horse.

Why do shoemakers go to heaven?

They have good soles.

What do you get if you cross a stereo and a fridge?

Very cool music!

What do you call an avid gardener?

Herb.

What do astronauts eat for dinner?

Launch meat.

What is the best way to raise a child?

In an elevator.

Where does a penguin keep his money?

A snow bank.

What is always behind the time?

The back of the clock.

What word is always spelled incorrectly?

Incorrectly.

What should you do if your dog is missing?

The lost and hound.

What has no legs but can do a split?

A banana.

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Add your favorite Laffy Taffy joke in the comments!