4 Gentle Reminders If You're Feeling Single And Sad This Valentine's Day
RomanceBreaking Up

4 Gentle Reminders If You’re Feeling Single And Sad This Valentine’s Day

1. It’s okay to be sad.

a. About past loves: I often think back to times when I took longer than normal (whatever normal is) to get over someone. There is definitely a correlation between the guilt I felt for feeling sad and the length of time it took me to find total closure. Unfortunately, this can be fueled by well-intentioned friends and articles alike preaching that you are awesome and that person was lame and you shouldn’t waste another tear on them. Chances are they weren’t totally lame or you wouldn’t have chosen them in the first place, and if they were, you still need to mourn the loss of the person that you originally thought they were. Let yourself be sad about it and don’t feel guilty about how long or short it takes you to find peace. It’s the guilt that typically lasts longer, not the sadness. Usually what stems from letting yourself process the sadness is a new hope for what could be in store next. Let yourself get there at your own pace.

b. About your current single status: I’m not going to tell you to dress up, take a shot and get it together or whatever that saying is. I’m also not going to patronize you by saying that being coupled up isn’t all that and it’s way better to be alone on this “over-commercialized holiday.” You want something more for yourself—that’s a good thing. There’s a lot of talk about self-acceptance, but often an overlooked part of that is recognizing that it starts with where you want your life to improve. You don’t need to totally own your single status 24/7 to be worthy of respect. It’s okay to not want to be single, just don’t let it be what defines you.

2. Desiring human connection is totally normal.

It is noted to be a psychological need to feel love and acceptance from those around us. It’s part of the whole tribe survival instinct that we all have. So while it may seem like the whole world is emotionally unavailable at times and that there isn’t anyone out there who you could connect with, this is far from reality. Emotional unavailability stems from a fear of not having, or having and losing, a true and genuine connection. It’s a fear of wanting love but subconsciously not feeling like it’s possible. So pretty much everyone out there is also in search of love on some level. You don’t need to feel alone about that anymore. You can stop calling yourself desperate and hopeless now. You are in the same boat as the rest of the 7 billion people on this planet.

3. Everything you have experienced up to now has worth to it.

Whether you have been a part of relationships that ended or are as inexperienced as they come, there is value in the way things have played out for you. You are learning what you want out of life and out of your partner for life. I’m sure you’re tired of hearing that, because most of the time, I am too. It’s a great thing though. You are still getting to look at everything life has to offer and pick what resonates with you the most, what fuels you the most, what makes you the most excited. It’s like when you keep seeing a trailer for a movie you’re really excited about, and you don’t even have all of the details of what’s coming for you.

4. You still have a really great chance at experiencing one of the most beautiful human experiences–falling in love.

This is truly the greatest part about being single. We often seek the calm, knowing that comes from being with your forever person, but the unknown is really where the excitement happens. Ask any couple that’s been together for a while and they will tell you that they are happy to be together but they miss when things were new and exciting. Us single folks still get to wonder about that. Will we fall hard and quick, or will it be a gradual snowball effect when we wake up one day and think, ah, yes, I love this person. Will our first kiss be passionate and movie-like, or will it be something we fumble through and laugh about later? Hopefully, you will fall in love with the same person over and over again, but there is truly nothing like that first fall.

Enjoy your Valentine’s Day the best way you can and enjoy your life just the same. And watch how everything will begin to unfold the way it was always meant to for you. TC mark

Related

Let go or be dragged. Follow Erin on Instagram or read more articles from Erin on Thought Catalog.