Why aren’t there seagulls that fly over bays?
If they did they would be bagels.
Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.
There was an explosion in the cheese factory….. De Brie went everywhere.
Sven and Ole are hunting. Ole bags a deer. They grab it by its hind legs and start dragging it towards Sven’s truck. It is slow, difficult going. After a time, the come across another hunter who gives them some advice. “Fellas,” he says, “a guy could have an easier time of it dragging that deer by his antlers. As it is, they’re dragging along the ground, getting caught in the roots and underbrush. It’s making your task a lot harder than it has to be.”
So Sven and Ole drop the back hooves, and start dragging the deer by the antlers. After a while, they have this conversation –
Ole: Sven, I gotta tell ya, I’m not too sure we got good advice from that other fella back there.
Sven: Oh yeah? Why’s that?
Ole: Well, sure, it’s a lot easier going now. The hooves aren’t getting caught on anything in the ground like the antlers were, and we’re moving along at a good pace. But ever since we starting dragging this guy by the antlers, we’re just getting further and further away from the truck.
A Shetland pony walks into a bar, and whispers to the barman “Pint of bitter, please.”
The barman cranes his neck and says “Sorry mate, what?”
The pony whispers “A pint of bitter please”
The barman, a little annoyed now, says “Look mate, you’ll have to speak up, I can’t hear you…”
…and the pony replies “Sorry about that, I’m a little hoarse.”
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven, eight, nine.
How did the telephone propose to the other telephone?
He gave her a ring.
What concert costs 45 cents? Fifty Cent featuring Nickleback.
A woman pregnant with twins gets in a car wreck and falls in a coma. She wakes up weeks later and the nurse informs her that they were able to save the babies, and that they were named and being kept by her brother.
“Oh no!” The mother cries. “My brother is an idiot. He probably gave them awful names!”
The brother shows up hours later with the babies. First he hands her the girl and says “this is Denise.”
“Oh thank goodness. Denise is a lovely name. What did you name the boy,” she asked.
He responded “Denephew.”
What do you get when you don’t pay your exorcist? Repossessed!
How many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb?
Let’s go ride bikes.