26. Men Don’t Speak ‘GirLanguage’

Girls can be HARD to READ, but fear not, fellow clueless men: with this handy guide, you too can be a master of girlanguage! Decipher the intent of your female partner with these quick, easy-to-learn tips!

Do you know the difference between a “laugh” and a “giggle”? Girls do! A laugh is strong and masculine. It goes like this: HAHA! Girls can laugh when they find something funny, but if they giggle, it’s to show interest and affection. Giggling is more quaint and endearing, like this: heehee! If a girl giggles at you, you should probably ask her out!

Girls do not smile unless they are interested in you! If you see a girl smiling at you, it means she wants you to kiss her!

Everyone knows that when a girl bites her lip, it’s because she’s tingling down there. But take caution: if you see a girl with chapped lips, it’s probably because she has been biting it a lot for someone else — or multiple people! If you want your girl to be unsoiled by the hands of others, look for nice smooth lips! ;)

Q: When is a question not a question? A: When it’s an answer! If a girl tells you her plans without you asking, she is letting you know that she will be busy indefinitely… at least, as far as you’re concerned. Once a girl tells you what she will be doing later, don’t bother asking her out; she’s not interested!

Most girls only blink when they have dry eyes, but on that rare occasion when she wants your D, she will be blinking extra! … or not at all! … or just a little bit more or less than necessary! If you notice a discernible change in her blinking habits, don’t waste any more time by not making a move!
Ever look at a girl’s feet? Chances are you haven’t, because real girls don’t have any! This is where the term “floating, footless woman” comes from. If you really want to wow the object of your affection, show your expertise of the opposite gender by noticing her lack of piedi this means “feet” in Spanish.

This may be a little too subtle for the average guy, but it’s invaluable for the master pick-up artist! Different color eyes can mean different things. For example, blue eyes are a sign of interest, while brown and hazel eyes show true affection. If you notice your girl’s eyes changing color in the middle of conversation, pay attention! But watch out: red eyes mean “no thanks” and yellow are a sign of the cholera.

I hope this has helped. Now go get ’em, Tiger! ;);)

27. Bottom Line, Subtle Is For Sissies

I asked him to the midnight premiere LOTR, then kissed him goodnight as he dropped me off. He didn’t think it was a date until then.

We’ll have been married 10yrs this June.

Subtle is for sissies.

28. Pining And Hoping Never Works

Pine from afar and hope to god he asks me out while simultaneously hoping he never actually finds out I’m interested because oh dear god what if he doesn’t like me back that way?

Proceed to give up completely and go home to hang out by myself.