20 Shamefully Hilarious Thoughts Everyone Has Before And After A One-Night Stand


Contrary to popular belief, one-night stands aren’t limited to one-off sexual encounters with strangers: in reality, the stuff of one-night stands covers everything from unintentionally platonic sleepovers to weird couch make outs. And yes, of course: sex stuff too. In partnership with VH1’s new hilarious morning-after confessional show ‘Walk of Shame Shuttle,’ here are some post-one-night thoughts that stick with you for a lifetime (or at least the entire lifespan of your iMessage history).

Leaving the bar: “Really wish I could shower before this, that bar was gross, we’re both sweaty and—”

The morning after: “I’ve never needed a shower more in my entire life.”

Before the casual meet up: “Maybe I will meet up with *insert name of person you vaguely met once who definitely has hot friends*, they’re cool. We’re like…friends, I guess.”

The morning after: “Thank God I’m not friends with any of those people.”

Source: Giphy

On the dance floor: “We could definitely be a thing.”

The morning after: “This is 100% not going to be a thing.”

Source: Giphy

Before contact: “Damn, I need to go back and get their number.”

The morning after: “Who’s strange number is this? Ohhhhhh. Oh, nooooo.”

That critical moment: “I should drink some water, but first—”

The morning after: “I will never drink again.”

Source: Giphy

In their apartment: “This apartment is perfectly adequate for what is about to happen.”

The morning after: “That bathroom was like a scene from Saw and I am never going back.”

Source: Giphy

The night before: “Hope they’re a good kisser and this isn’t a sloppy makeou—”

The morning after: “Pretty sure they licked my face. Licked. My. Face.”

Source: Giphy

The look before: “I look good as hell.”

The morning after: “…Don’t look at me.”

The night before: “I need to get laid tonight.”

The morning after: “Mission…accomplished? That feels like a strong word.”

The final moment before: “Lights. Off.”

The morning after: “What time is it? How is it this bright in here? Please turn the sun off. Forever.” Thought Catalog Logo Mark

This post brought to you by ‘Walk of Shame Shuttle’ – an outrageous new reality show on VH1. Don’t miss the Series Premiere – MAR 18 9p + 11p.

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Crissy is a writer living and lol’ing in Los Angeles. She’s on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook, for better or worse.

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