Read This When He's Left You

Read This When He’s Left You

He left you. He ended a relationship that you thought was only just beginning. He gave up on you. He gave up on all of the hopes you had for the two of you. And you wonder when he fell out of love with you. You wonder if maybe he was your person, but you weren’t his. Maybe he just didn’t love you quite enough. And here you are, crying yourself to sleep and praying that all of this was all just a dream. Here you are replaying every moment of the awful conversation in your head, trying to analyze every word he said when he ended it. But all he really said was that he couldn’t be in this relationship anymore. All he said that it wasn’t right for him anymore. That it wasn’t the relationship it once was. And all you could do was listen and try not to cry. All you could do was subconsciously beg him to stay, without letting the word “stay” slip out of your lips. And then he left. And it was over. Just like that.

I know it felt good when he loved you. I know you miss him, at least, the him that was in love with you. And I know how much you miss the magical feeling of being loved by him. But at some point along the way, his love ended. Or at least, it was no longer enough to make him stay. And I know it’s a hard truth to grasp. Maybe it came out of the blue, or maybe you knew it was coming, as much as you hate to admit it. Maybe the signs were there that he was no longer your prince charming. Maybe he stopped sharing his feelings, or asking you about your feelings. Or maybe he slowly created a distance between the two of you. He didn’t hold your hand so comfortably. But even if the signs were there, even if the spark was fading, you still didn’t feel ready. You still didn’t feel prepared for a loss so great. You didn’t feel ready to lose your prince charming. The one who you thought was going to be your person. And now you don’t know how to “be” without him. You don’t know how to go back to normal. Or what normal even feels like.

And I know how much it hurts. I know how much your heart aches and how empty your stomach feels, and how you have a chronic headache that won’t go away with advil or sleep. I know that you still believe that deep down some part of him must still love you. Or at least you want to believe that he still loves you. Because nothing changed. At least, not from your perspective. And it hurts to think that he might be okay. You want to believe that he is pining over you. Or that he will come back to you when he realizes what he just let go of. You’ll hear a noise of a car outside of your house late at night and for a split second think it is him, coming to tell you he is sorry. That he messed up. That he realizes that ending it was a mistake. But it’s not him. Because this time, it really is an ending. And as much as it hurts, you must realize that he chose to go. He chose to leave. Maybe his feelings changed. Or maybe he was just afraid of loving you. But no matter what the reasons may be, he left. He walked away.

I know that deep down, you believe that you are still the one for him. I know you think this was your fairytale. I know you are in shock that it ended so quickly. I know have been crying since he left. I know your face is swollen from the tears. And I know that you feel hollow, like your heart has been ripped out of you. I know you can’t wrap your head around such a deep sadness and heartbreak. I know you want to just rewind time and have him back in your life. I know you keep checking your phone to see if he texted you. I know you keep having to hold yourself back from texting or calling him. And I know that you are still praying for him to return. But if you can take a step back, maybe you can realize that truthfully, he wasn’t the one for you. Because he didn’t stay. It’s as simple and as profound as that.

And one day, you will look back and realize that him leaving you was actually a blessing in disguise, because it opened up the possibility of something more. Of something better. Of a love that doesn’t have an expiration date. A love that you don’t have to question or worry about or doubt. You’re going to find your real fairy tale. I hope that in your pain you can still realize this. I hope you can realize that sometimes someone leaves to make space for you to meet someone better. Sometimes you have to go through the heartbreak to find the happy ending. The truth is, if you keep worrying about the one who doesn’t love you, you won’t make space in your life for the one who does.

And I know that now you are doubting yourself, and deeming yourself unworthy of love. But you must know that just because he didn’t love you doesn’t mean you can’t love you. And just because he didn’t love you doesn’t mean someone else isn’t going to love you, even more deeply and intensely than he ever did. Your worth was never measured by his feelings about you. He doesn’t get a say in how valuable or how special you are. He doesn’t get to leave you feeling broken or insecure. He doesn’t get to make you feel little or worthless. He doesn’t have the power to make you feel unloveable. He doesn’t have that power, so please, don’t allow yourself to think he does. You are loveable and worthy, and so very special. And no one can take this from you. The fact that he left doesn’t change who you are.

And maybe now you feel as though there was no point in your love, if all along it was just going to end this way. Maybe there was no point in the relationship if it was ultimately going to result in this much pain or this much emptiness. But the truth is, you needed this love to grow. You needed to feel this deep love for someone because it taught you how deep your own love could be. You learned how to trust someone with the most delicate belonging you had – your heart. And for a while, you let someone else hold a part of your heart. He nurtured it and loved it and cared for it as if it were his own. But now he has given it back. He hasn’t smashed it to smithereens, even if it feels this way. Perhaps he unintentionally bruised it as he gave it back to you, but he didn’t ruin it. He didn’t make it unloveable. And now you are carrying your whole heart, all on your own. So take care of it. Tend to it. Love it and watch over it. Because one day, if you so choose, you are going to share it with someone else. So make sure it is ready to love, and to be loved. Remember that he isn’t your last love. This isn’t the last time you will be loved. This ending of one love story is the beginning of another. This is a new beginning. This is a new chance.

So now, let go of him. Hold on to the memories, but don’t continue to relive them. At least, not right now. Later on you can dive down memory lane. Later on you can remember all of the good parts of your relationship. But right now you are tender. Right now you just need to take care of yourself, and focus on healing. Because yes, you lost someone very, very special to you. You lost someone who you thought you would have forever with. But one day you will begin to feel okay again. One day he will be a memory, and the pain won’t feel quite so raw. One day you will feel whole and loveable again. You will feel happy again. I promise. So take your time as you heal, but make sure you remember who you are. Remember how beautiful life can be, even without him in your life.

You didn’t end up with him, because you weren’t meant to. We don’t know what the future of your story reads. We don’t know what will happen next. But what we do know that you have a beautiful, beating heart, and that you are going to be okay. You are going to be just fine.

About the author

Colleen George

“there can be magic in the messes” @apeaceofwerk