Chelsea Fagan

You apologize for things which are not your fault, even for things which hurt no one. You will bump into a table and mutter that you are sorry to have hurt it, you will excuse yourself.

Asking people what they want physically, or romantically, when you are in a relationship. Not being offended by the idea of being told how to love someone better, or understanding that no two people want exatly the same things.

It is a girl who is thirsty for love and affection in a way we generally aim to stifle by labeling it as “needy” and shaming her for being such an open wound of emotional want.

There is a direct correlation between the kind of clothes you wear and the amount of respect you deserve.

You can tell when you send them a good-morning text message, or mail them a gift, or take the time to do something for them that you know they’ll barely appreciate — this isn’t going to be reciprocated.

Always be clean and respectful when using a public restroom, instead of making a mess for both the custodian and the person who follows you.

Erase the idea that a woman can ever “owe” you sex for any reason, or that her sexuality is a commodity to be bartered with.

Yes, they had an ex. Yes, they had sex. It was probably good sex. They said they loved each other, and had an awesome time, and were very happy for some time. Stew over that as much as you want, it’s not going away.

Go for a long run with one of your favorite podcasts in your headphones, letting yourself get lost in whatever they’re talking about. Alternate between walking and jogging/running so you can sustain yourself for a long period of time, and try not to come back home until the podcast is over.

It can become addictive, the feeling of endless waiting punctuated by the occasional moment of a text or call or vague indicator of affection which can tide you over for another few weeks or so.

How many friends you have. One is enough. A hundred is enough. And there is no need to falsely upgrade acquaintances to “friend” status in your mind simply to fill out the ranks. A true friend is rare, and we don’t need to make it a competition for who has the most.

If you’re in service, people will harangue you about when you’re planning on getting a “real job,” as though that isn’t somehow the most insulting thing a human being could say to you.

Actively make lists in your mind of all the things you didn’t like about them when you were together. Force yourself to remember the fights, the inherent disagreements, the dragged-out silences which grew more irregularly punctuated with good times.

Send someone flowers who lives far away with a nice card reminding them how much you care. (This has a similar effect to black-tar heroin on mothers/mothers-in-law/grandmothers.)

There are people whose love pours out in complicated, profound words. They could fill books on the way their partner looks when they just wake up, or how much they love spending time with their best friend.

When you’re exhausted and just want to crash and not deal with anyone and you’ve got a big, fluffy, comfortable bed with fresh sheets and blankets all to yourself.

Will you still be interested in all of the things I have to say, all of the coincidences we took as divine intervention last night when we were only so happy to tell each other how we feel?

To say “I won’t date someone unless they are smart, kind, career-oriented, capable of compromise, and healthy” is far easier than to say “I won’t date someone until I am all of these things and more.”