27 Things White Girls Love More Than Starbucks

1. Having Twitter bios that are like “Lover. Traveler. Yoga addict. Cappuccino Connoisseur.”

2. Getting really excited at the prospect of cardigan weather, and identifying said temperatures as “cardigan weather.”

3. Saying “don’t mind if I do” as you daintily take a sample at the grocery store.

4. Finding little coffee shops that aren’t Starbucks that also have Pumpkin Spice syrup, so that you can get all of the PSL swag without having to go somewhere quite as corporate as Starbucks.

5. Snacking on shit while grocery shopping with complete impunity, because no one’s going to yell at you for opening or consuming things you haven’t paid for yet.

6. Fishtail braids.

7. Giving the cop who pulls you over that “I didn’t realize that I was doing 20 over the speed limit whilst blowing through red lights, not lil’ ol’ me, never!” look, and then proceeding to get off with a warning.

8. Being driven to the point of near-hyperventilation at the idea of layering clothes, and thinking of all the various tank/sweater/blazer/button-down combinations that could really make the most of those crisp fall days.

9. Carrying around a rolled-up yoga mat so that everyone you pass knows that you just came from/are going to a yoga class, and that you’re the cool kind of girl who does yoga.

10. Practicing sticking your butt out while attempting to twerk in your bedroom mirror so that it looks, if only briefly, like you have a sliver of booty meat.

11. Screaming at the top of your lungs when the Spice Girls come on at a bar.

12. Shopping at Forever 21 and making an enormous mess of the shelves/racks/dressing rooms because LOL it’s just Forever 21, who gives a shit, it’s not even real clothes.

13. Passive-aggressively coughing and/or sighing at the people who cut you in line.

14. Wearing leggings as pants, and going so far as defending it as a feminist issue when someone calls you out on how egregiously tacky it is.

15. Becoming elementary school teachers in underprivileged areas and bringing it up in conversations that have absolutely nothing to do with jobs/education/underprivileged areas/you.

16. Confessing totally benign things that no one would get mad about, and tagging it with “#sorrynotsorry.”

17. Plastering this quote on everything you touch:

“I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

18. Talking about how you “deserve” the calorically-dense food you are about to consume.

19. Acoustic covers of Chief Keef and Trinidad James songs.

20. Blurry pictures of beaches, legs, jewelry, or a rope swing overlaid with cursive quotes about life and/or relationships.

21. Comparing your relationship to that of fictional characters.

22. Going on service trips in college and making your profile picture you, smiling, surrounded by a bunch of half-naked children of varying ethnicities.

23. Having a crush on Donald Glover.

24. Ombre hair that never actually looks good in practice, and when not viewed through an Instagram filter.

25. Singing along to rap songs and getting really awkward when the n-word comes up. (Depending on the circumstance, you’ll either mouth along to the word or close your eyes and bop your head so as to avoid everyone else’s glances.)

26. Freaking out over clothes with cats printed/embroidered on them in some capacity.

27. Experimenting with different styles that will prevent you from getting an office job (but won’t actually make people view you as threatening in any way), because you know that when it comes time to put your ducks in a row, you can just wipe off that makeup, grow that hair out, and get a position as an administrative assistant in just about any company your lil heart desires.