1. Forgot to close the bathroom door.

Our kindergarten classroom had a private individual bathroom. I guess I was really distracted and didn’t notice I had not closed the door to the bathroom. I basically started taking a shit with the entire class watching me. Everyone was silent

2. Caught someone vandalizing the bathroom walls with his own urine.

I walked in on a kid pissing all over the walls of the bathroom, and he looked me straight in the eye and then started laughing.

3. Couldn’t find the bathroom quick enough…

Had to poop SUPER bad as soon as I left for recess after lunch I try to go back in and the doors are locked I couldn’t run around by that time I’d poop my pants, no one else was out by then so I pooped in the garbage can and ran to where we usually hang out.

Kid saw poop in the trash and got a teacher, they looked at the cameras brought me to the office and watched me as I watched it, and the worst part is I laughed when I saw it.

4. Witnessed a cockroach crawl out and back in to a girl’s pants.

While sitting in psychology one day, I watched a cockroach crawl out of a girl’s pants onto the floor. The roach proceeded to crawl around for what seemed like a minute, probably much less, before crawling back up the leg of the girl’s pants. I looked up in wide-eyed terror, only to lock eyes with the teacher, who shared my expression.

To those asking, I had no idea how to even begin a conversation about what I had seen. That’s what made it awkward. I couldn’t just walk up to the girl, and say, “I saw your roach, if you know what I mean.” I couldn’t even approach the subject with anybody else without ruining this girl’s life. All I could do was always keep my feet off the floor in that class.

5. 8th grade boners are the worst kinds.

Had a boner in 8th grade math class I was asked to write the answer on the board and the teacher wouldn’t take no for an answer. I wish I knew about the waist tuck then

6. Woke up in class to the teacher’s ass-crack.

English class, 8th grade. there I sat on my seat, oblivious to my teacher walking around the room viewing our written work from the day prior.

As she was walking she dropped some object next to my desk, I returned from my sleepy haze to the giggling of my classmates. And behold, the ass crack of my female English teacher welcomed me, her four leaf clover tattoo peeking over her ass, and a leprechaun staring at me from the depths of her denim with a fierce glare.

I blinked several times, and eventually the pair receded back from whence they came.

I’ve yet to forget the leprechaun’s glare.

EDIT: she was not hot.

7. Played with his boner a little too conspicuously.

Grade 2, the whole class was sitting on the floor listening to the teacher read a book to us, I decided it was a good time to stick the boner I had through a hole in the crotch of my sweat pants. Teacher saw and asked what I was doing, everyone looked.

8. A slip-up during a class presentation.

I went to give a presentation and opened my PowerPoint file from my email and while searching for it; whole class saw my mails, which included messages from pornhub.com :D

9. Asked a teacher to “touch him” instead of “teach him.”

I’m the teacher in this case. One of my grade 8 boys meant to say “Can you teach me?” but instead he said, “Can you touch me?”
Cue awkward silence as the whole class stares at me, waiting for my response.

10. This is what happens when teachers don’t allow the students to go to the bathroom.

Math teacher didn’t allow me to go to the toilet, couldn’t hold it anymore, pissed on the floor trough my pants. At least she’ll always allow students to go to the toilet now.

11. Tried to ask a girl out; spit on her instead.

Sophomore year of high school. Asking a girl out and while I was talking to her my tongue must have moved just the right way and drops of saliva shot out and hit her in the face. (I believe this is called gleeking).

Awkward silence ensued followed by no first date… Yay awkward me!

12. Got into a pretty heated fight with a teacher.

I wrote an opinion article in the newspaper that my English teacher vehemently disagreed with. She told me in class that she hoped I never had children, because I would be a terrible mother. My best guy friend was in the room, and stood up for me. He went a little far, though, and told her he hoped she had a miscarriage (she was several months pregnant).

She had a miscarriage.

13. Calling a teacher “mom.”

Calling the teacher mom by accident was easily the most awkward. All the other kids look at you like you just shit yourself, meanwhile the teacher is at a loss of words.

14. Backed it up into a teacher.

At the holiday dance my junior year; I was dancing with my group of friends. The song “Get Low” by Lil Jon and the Eastside Boyz started to play. I got really into the song and the part where they go, “back back back it up”, I backed it up (I wasn’t twerking, I was just pushing my tush backwards). But I backed it up so much that my ass hit the crotch of one of the male teachers that was chaperoning. One of my friends gave me a warning, but it was too late. I looked back at him, apologized and walked away. It was so awkward.

15. A girl who accidentally voiced her private thoughts.

6th grade, it was pi day, so we all had to say pi as far as we could go. I was extremely nervous because I felt I was going to mess up near the start. The girl who went before me only made it to 3.141, and I though to myself “even I can do better then that” in an attempt to calm myself down. Turns out I said it out loud, the whole class heard me, and I made the girl cry. Worst feeling I’ve ever had in all my years of school :(

16. Fell asleep in class, and said something in his sleep that he shouldn’t have.

I was staring at the girl I fancied whilst we were watching a film in class, I feel asleep and I apparently said “fuck me _______ ” with a massive boner in my sleep.

17. An exorcist moment with a mentally challenged student.

In 8th grade, I walked in on an autistic student with his shirt off, waving it around over his head in the bathroom. All of the sudden he stops and stares into my soul. He slowly moves hand to his stomach and vigorously rubs it, all while chanting our math teacher’s name.

18. Hugged the wrong guy at the end of a swim meet.

At a swim meet, my friend had just won his race and he broke his personal record. 15-20 minutes after his race, I saw him from the back and walked over. I then hugged him from behind and squealed about how well he did. I remember wondering why he was talking to people from the other school. I let go and he turned around.
It wasn’t him.

I stammered something about how I thought he was someone else and walked away in shame.

19. That time a teacher forgot how young his students are.

In history class we watched Das Boot, about a German submarine in WW2, and at some point someone made a reference to Free Willy (“Be free, Willy!”). The teacher told us to not say it again. My friends looked at each other, and asked why. The teacher said, “that’s inappropriate, it’s a porno.”

We never found out what he was referring to. He kept on teaching like nothing happened.

20. Walked in on fellatio between an unexpected pair.

I was by myself walking up the stairs in high school. I didn’t mean to be super quiet but I walked in on one of the super athletic football players getting head from the 200-pound water girl. I didn’t even mean to be funny but when we all looked at each other I said, “well this sucks.”

21. Trying to impress a chick, he farted instead.

Wrestling practice in middle school. Some of the girls were “managers” which meant they did random stuff for the coaches and got to hang out with the wrestlers and vice-versa. Anyway, a couple of us were showing off doing various moves in front of the cute manager girls and in the middle of a somersault type move, right in front of the cutest one in my opinion, I released a massive fart when my ass was up in the air. Hilarity ensued, who knows, it might have even been one of those charmingly humiliating moments in their eyes, but I was never the same. Clenched tight for the rest of my junior high life.

22. A cautionary tale about someone who knows too much about whales.

I was in the auditorium. The science teacher’s husband was in there, and he was some sort of zoologist. Loved whales for some reason. Showed us a bunch of different varieties: blue, humpback, etc. Telling us all about them, their habits. I knew a few different whales myself. He puts up a picture of a sperm whale, and asks “who knows what type of whale this is?” My hand springs up and before he even calls on me, I shout, “SPERM!”

Everybody stared at me, some with a chuckle, as he says, “yes… you’re right.”

I was way too eager.

23. His love letter got into the wrong hands.

Sixth grade. I had a crush on this girl. It was my first crush. She was a cheerleader, cute, smart, funny. I was in love. Sadly it was not reciprocated. I used to write her love letters and slip them into her locker.

One day this kid (Who was pretty much my nemesis since elementary school,) saw me put the note in and after I walked away, he fished it out with a paper clip. Later he proceeded to read it to most of the sixth grade class before an assembly. I was absolutely humiliated. For about two days, till everyone forgot about it.

That’s also the story of how I got into my first fight.

24. Why going commando is always a bad idea.

I had a bad habit of going commando in high school. One day, after using the urinal, because I’m a giant dummy, I forgot to zip my fly up. I came out of the bathroom, having relieved myself, and went about my business…with my dick hanging out of my zipper. Not having the good sense to realize, “HEY, IT’S DRAFTY IN HERE!”, I kept walking and doing my thing. So, although I probably should have been able to realize that something was askew due to all of the odd looks and snickers I was getting, I nevertheless did not. That is, until someone went, “HEY, IEnjoyHighFives, your, uh…cock is hanging out, bro.”

Indeed, my cock was hanging out. This person was right.

I did not get any high fives that day.

25. He basically ruined the prettiest girl’s face.

When I was in 5th grade I randomly tossed an old penny I found on the playground at school over my shoulder.

Penny went over a handball backstop and into the mouth of the cutest girl in school. Said penny then contacted cutest girls two front teeth and split then both in twain. She then looked like a Cajun air boat tour guide in a Louisiana bayou.

…I swear to Christ…I could throw handfuls of penny’s at that chicks face from now until Ford Windstars became collectible and never have the same effect of ruining her looks that I did that day by pure chance.

Elementary school was a difficult time after that.

26. Tried to impress his friend with a fart, when something else came out.

I remember in fifth grade I was at the crosswalk doing “patrol” before school with my friend. I turned around and said “check this out” cuz I thought I had a big fart coming. Turns out it wasn’t a fart, it was a shart.

The worst part? I was doing a presentation on Cal Ripken Jr. that day so I had on white sliding shorts and white baseball pants. FML.

Luckily I had a change of clothes…but quite a few people saw it.

27. A miscommunication in the shadiest bathroom of all time.

There was a kind of sketchy bathroom in one of the buildings at my university. I had my headphones in and went in to do my business and I was into my music so I was tapping my foot to the beat. Apparently there’s a code or something that you tap your foot for sex. I didn’t know that and mid-dump, some guy did a power slide under the stall with his bare, erect dick in hand. I yelled something like WTF and he just said in a low voice, “Soorrry.” Then he left.

28. What happens when you take Viagra at a ridiculously young age.

I took a Viagra pill, had an erection in gym, walked around showing it off only wearing shorts just for shits and giggles, then the girls team came in, I tucked it really fast, but in such an uncomfortable way. It slipped back to baton form. Didn’t notice until I hit a girl’s leg with it and it hurt so fucking bad (I was standing and they were passing by jogging) so I crouched to hide it. Walked all over to the changing room crouching. Felt moist and HOT under there, it’s fucking blood, my scrotum was ripped slightly, I almost fainted. All the guys were laughing to this point, but thank God some of them had the courtesy to take it seriously, even though they were laughing their asses off they walked me to the nurse’s room. I fainted over there, still had a rocking hard erection.

29. Thought he walked into the wrong class, despite having been in that class for the whole semester.

In college. I am a little forgetful and don’t remember people in a large classroom unless I engage with them. So one day I am late to class and frazzled and I walk in and don’t recognize anyone and say I think I’m in the wrong classroom. My class laughs and says no you’re not just sit down.

I was quite embarrassed.

30. Confused Nelson Mandela with Robert Mugabe.

Grade 9. First Week. Had to do a short speech on our childhood heroes, didn’t do it so I tried to wing it. Confused Robert Mugabe for Nelson Mandela. The first words by teacher heard out of my mouth were “my hero is Robert Mugabe because he freed the people of Africa.”

31. Why your cell phone should never end up in your friend’s possession.

Ok so there was this cheerleader. She was like really flirty with me for several days, and I finally got her number. Every time I would text her, she would never know who I was. Until this one time when I was on a camp out and my friends prank called her like eight times from my phone. They said “Do you like imagine dragons? Because imagine draggin my dick across your face.” She still won’t even talk to me anymore.