11. The wrong text to mom.

Thanked my partner graphically for his stellar performance the night before, including a compliment about the large load he flooded me with. Sent to my 67-year-old mom. I immediately called her and apologized. She took it gracefully, which I’ll remember when my 20-month-old daughter becomes old enough to make every subsequent holiday dinner with the family explosively awkward.

12. Sent the wrong text to his daughter.

Texted my daughter saying that I wanted to “Fuck her so hard she forgot her name” once… Regardless to say, my wife wasn’t too thrilled.

13. Sent an email meant for a friend to his company.

Not a text, but one of the managers at work emailed me and the email contained some unintentional casual racism. I meant to forward it to my friend but accidentally just replied saying “Dude look at the rampant racism hahahahaha.”

I still have my job, 9 months later.