Nobody sabotages their own progress in life because they dislike themselves, because they have low self-esteem, because they aren’t smart enough or capable enough or worthy enough.
When we hold ourselves back from acting on our best ideas, when we continually spend time with people we know aren’t positive influences, when we stay in relationships with people who are lukewarm or uncertain, when we procrastinate, delay and uproot, what we are really doing is returning to our comfort zones.
What we are really doing is making ourselves feel safe again.
Self-sabotage doesn’t exist because people aren’t tough enough to see themselves through, it exists because people are primarily motivated by a sense of comfort, and when that goes away, it can trigger a ripple effect of uncertainty and fear throughout their lives.
No change, no matter how positive, will ever be comfortable until it is also familiar.
We need time to see that it’s okay.
We need space to realize that we’re still loved.
We need evidence to prove to ourselves that we are, indeed, on the right path.
And then we need to give ourselves grace.
Because the truth is that people who self-sabotage are often the ones who have the highest expectations, the loftiest dreams, the most ambitious goals.
They are so motivated by their desire to create, to see, and to experience, the fear that they might get it wrong stifles.
The truth is that none of us leave this life unscathed, but some of us may leave with many years of regrets behind us because we never did what it was we truly wanted to do.
If you are ready to stop self-sabotaging, you are going to have to let yourself be imperfect. You are going to have to be willing to mess up sometimes. You are going to have to be ready to do what other people won’t, so you might be able to have what other people can’t. You will need to act when nobody else believes in your vision, you will have to continue when anyone else would say to give up.
More than anything else, you are going to have to know that your desire to hold yourself back doesn’t always come from a sense of inferiority, but sometimes, a place of true self-defense.
You are going to have to find a way to make yourself safe.
You are going to have to be around people who make your dreams seem normal, if not at least accessible.
You are going to have to take care of yourself in ways you never have before. You are going to have to parent yourself, and nurture your own inner child.
Because at the end of the day, you are going to have to get to a place where your desire to actualize all that you know is within you no longer eclipses your fear that you might not be enough for it, that you might not be deserving or worthy or it all might fall away from you once you let your heart open up enough.
You are going to have to realize that your desire to stay in what’s familiar comes from the exact same place that’s driving you to move forward.
It’s your innermost soul, the part of you that only wants you to feel good and feel okay.
Honor that place within you, and move forward knowing that you love yourself so deeply, you wouldn’t even let yourself embrace your wildest dreams unless you also knew that they were right for you.
All of those pieces of you need to be recognized and brought to a place of sanctity.
Our branches cannot rise and stretch unless our roots are equally planted.
Give yourself the space to do that, and step forward in peace, knowing that you will always have your own back, no matter uncertain life may be.