People who self-sabotage can’t tell the difference between comfort and happiness.
They recreate familiar patterns from their childhood. They think comfortable is good and uncomfortable is bad, and stagnate because when you avoid discomfort, you deny growth.
People who self-sabotage don’t understand what they really need. They ask the world why they keep getting the same relationships, the same dead-end opportunities, the same frustrations, rather than asking themselves why they keep choosing these things.
People who self-sabotage aren’t letting themselves feel something they need to feel. They find other, quieter ways, secret outlets and unsuspecting habits that let those emotions out and bring different ones in.
People who self-sabotage fail to see that the things they keep creating in their lives make them feel comfortable, safe, loved and satisfied… all in insidious ways.
People who self-sabotage don’t realize that the things they judge about others are the things they want to tell themselves. They don’t realize that their anger comes from perceived powerlessness. They don’t realize that the things they envy in others are the things they won’t allow themselves to pursue, and the things they admire about others are the things they already are.
They think their emotions exist to punish them, rather than guide them.
People who self-sabotage think that getting over their problems is a matter of being stronger. What they don’t realize is that their problems are feeding some need that they are neglecting. That’s because people who self-sabotage only think they know what they want.
They think that what they lack is willpower, or that there’s something fundamentally wrong with them because they can’t seem to rapidly produce like other people who do what they want to do. They think that they’re exhausted and frustrated and resistant because they haven’t overcome their own demons and that success is on the other side of pushing themselves harder.
They aren’t wrong about not having overcome their demons. That’s because they haven’t even met them yet.
People self-sabotage their success because they chase after things only their egos want. They self-sabotage their success because they don’t want to be successful. They want to be accepted, they want to feel freer, they want to prove that they are whatever everyone always made them feel like they weren’t.
People who self-sabotage use the idea of success as a safe cover-up, rather than asking for the life they really want.
People who self-sabotage aren’t honest with themselves, and they don’t honor themselves. They think they can thwart their needs in favor of their wants. They think that disassociating means “getting over it” and that denying themselves is controlling the situation.
People who self-sabotage don’t realize that their most fundamental needs are non-negotiable, and if they don’t meet them, their subconscious minds will find a way to do it without them even realizing.
They don’t realize that there’s a reason they keep re-creating what exists in their lives – and until they reach the brink of crisis, they might not dare to ask why.