1. We never slam doors
We are the one-percenters of shutting doors so quietly that the only audible noise is the subtle click of the door snapping shut. It’s hard-wired into our circuitry. Being around someone who slams the door shut every time without even knowing she does it is nightmare territory. Loud door shutting actually seems to happen far more often than should happen—it’s almost as if overly considerate people are from a different planet that has many less people on it who slam doors as their go-to way to shut doors, and so here on earth, the overly considerate people are constantly shocked by how much belligerent door slamming happens.
2. If we don’t find what we’re looking for in a store, we buy something anyways
The moment we walk into a store, we pretty much commit to buying something (usually a bottle of water) regardless of whether or not we find what we’re looking for. We don’t want to put the employees in a position where they might feel like we’re stealing from them. We will also never be the person who walks in off the street and treats a store’s bathroom as his personal private spot (unless we buy something first).
3. We give a 20% tip 99% of the time, regardless of how the service is
There is a fear of being seen as a cheapskate by waitstaff buried deep inside the hearts of overly considerate people. Where, to normal people, the breakdown looks something like: 10% = TERRIBLE SERVICE, 15% = OK SERVICE, 20% = “GOOD JOB, SERVER,” to overly considerate people, the breakdown is 15% = TERRIBLE SERVICE, 20% = OK SERVICE, 25% = WAS ATTENTIVE AND MET BASIC REQUIREMENTS OF GOOD SERVICE.
4. We have NEVER shown up to a party without food or drink to offer
You will never find an overly considerate person drinking someone else’s wine at someone else’s party. Our general rule is to bring twice the amount we’re likely to consume, so there is no doubt that we didn’t freeload off other people at the party.
5. We turn our music down low enough that people can’t hear it (WHEN WE’RE WEARING EARBUDS IN PUBLIC)
This is a real thing. We don’t want people to have to hear the tinny sound our earbuds make when our music is loud enough. Nobody wants to hear that. We’re just the only ones aware of it.
6. We will pay for food we didn’t order and thank the server for terrible service
The server brought us the wrong order? All good—she’s super busy. The server brought us the wrong order twice? All good, she’s still super busy. You watch a server drop your plate of food (third try) on the floor, shovel it back onto the plate, and bring it over to your table? LOL, everyone has a moment where they’re so busy they drop an entire plate of food on the floor and serve it over to another human being! I just won’t eat it but will pay for it anyway.
7. We are masters at quiet walking on hardwood floors
The first thing we do when we move into a new apartment with hardwood floors is attenuate ourselves to where the creaky, loud flooring is. Over time, we train ourselves to avoid those spots so we don’t disturb the tenants below us.
8. We have a blacklist for chronic considerateness violators
In our world, there is good and evil. Good = people who are aware and considerate. Evil = a chronic violator of the considerate code. It is very hard to get recategorized. Seriously, if you’re constantly being inconsiderate of other people, we think you’re a piece of shit.
9. We are hung up on geographic fairness
If we’re trying to meet you somewhere, we are uncomfortable asking you to meet us anywhere other than a place that is at the geographical center of where each of us are.
10. We will sit next to passengers on the bus/ subway that no one else wants to sit next to
One of the most overlooked things overly considerate people do is bite the bullet and sit next to the smelly guy on the subway so no one else has to. Granted, this is the overly considerate person in a good mood, going above and beyond what they compulsively do for everyone, every day.
11. We try to take up as little physical room as possible
You will never catch an overly considerate person manspreading, letting her groceries take up the seat next to her on the bus, or hogging a subway pole all for themselves. If there is space scarcity in public, overly considerate people are the last ones to impose on other people’s space.
12. We are super attenuated to ‘microimpositions’
Microimpositions are sort of like microagressions, except they aren’t used to reinforce dominance. Instead, microimpositions are when someone leaves less than half a cup of water in the Brita without refilling it, or a sip of a gallon of milk in the fridge. They’re little things that force the work on YOU. We hate these, and try to avoid doing them at all costs.