Have you ever noticed how you always seem to be attracting the same type of people? They force their way into your life. They disrupt your routine and convince you that the way they live is the only way. They convince you that they are the answer to your prayers. You need them. Thoughts of them begin to consume you. They consume you.
They deplete you of everything you need to keep going so that they can persevere instead. They find the weak ones and the helpers. They seek out those of us who are always willing to lend a hand. They crave those who would do anything to see someone else smile, to see them succeed. They find the ones who spend all of their time trying to hold others up, while simultaneously pulling themselves down.
Even if there is room for both of you on the other side of this pain, they do not offer you a helping hand. No, there is no coming out of this together. They will be the only winner. It will always be their triumph overpowering your well-being. It will always only be them.
You have learned to adapt your life to become what they needed. You talked on their schedule. You sent them all of the comfort they needed, all while you faded away.
And what about you, the poor withering heart cowering in the background? Any help they offered you was in the form of anger. They told you how wrong you were for living your life the way you wanted to. They judged your career, your style, everything about you that made you, you. Any comfort they gave you did not soothe your aching heart, no, it stung like the coldest of winds on a bleak January day. There was no comfort there. There was only chaos.
And now, they have left you. They have begun the process of slinking back into their own darkness now that they have pulled out all of your light. Now that they have pulled from you everything they needed to keep themselves going for another long while, they seem to have forgotten your existence. The person they once held so close to their heart is now just another name in their repertoire of people they needed but never truly wanted.
You will not be their last victim. Oh no, they will keep searching until they find another you. They will keep searching until they find another broken human being that they can shatter even more. It was never about you. It was about finding someone else to pour their pain into, so they could revive themselves and keep moving forward, while you cowered back into the darkness and wondered how you ended up at the same place once again. And again. And again.
These people, the manipulators, the abusers, the ones who only know how to deal with their pain by inflicting it on others, why are they the ones you always let in? You have to give yourself the love you believe everyone else deserves. You have to be your own comfort. You have to heal your own heart. You cannot keep looking for the answers in the ones who will only leave you questioning everything you have ever believed in. You cannot keep seeking out the hurt when you know deep down, all you have ever wanted was to heal. You do not deserve to be tossed aside by anyone. You are just as valuable as you try to make others believe that they are. You are one of the helpers, so why won’t you help yourself?