You are worth so much more than the way he makes you feel. You are not a free therapy session or someone just to pass unwanted time with. You are wanted. You are desired. You are powerful.
You tried to win him back with your body. You hoped that would finally be enough to make him yours again.
It wasn’t. You are learning that he is someone you will never be enough for. He treated you like a chore; something to be done and gotten over with rather than cherished and enjoyed.
Your smooth skin was too much. The lace across your body was trying too hard to find someone you had already lost months ago.
You wonder where the boy went who couldn’t keep his hands, eyes, mouth off of you. Who is this stranger you are sharing a bed with? You don’t recognize these hands that hesitate to hold you or these lips that seem to do anything just to avoid you.
You are not sure what hurts more. The love you tried to make or the love that disappeared before your very eyes.
He tries to say that you are going to do this right. Tell me what is right about giving someone the cold shoulder when they are at their most vulnerable. You cannot decide something is right just because you are going through the motions. Routine has never been synonymous with correct.
You do not deserve to feel this way. You do not deserve to be shamed for trying to win the attention of the one whose attention you were never supposed to lose. Your body is worth more than this. He doesn’t deserve to enjoy you if he cannot even be present while he does.
Maybe this time wasn’t the best time, but that doesn’t mean you are undeserving of someone else’s love. The right person will not take you for granted. They won’t shame you for trying to catch their eye. And they won’t leave you the moment things turn anything less than perfect.
You will find this person. And once you do, you will finally understand what it means to love and be loved in return. You will not be sitting around waiting for someone who will never come back because this time, they will have never left you in the first place.