Read This If You Say ‘I’m Okay’ (And You’re Not, Really) Because You Don’t Want To Be A Burden

Aaron Anderson
Aaron Anderson

Whenever the question variation of, “are you okay?” or “what’s wrong?” comes up, I always reply with, “Nothing, I’m okay.”

Because even if I’m not feeling “okay” I blame it in a moment of weakness, I tell myself I’ll be okay in the end. I tell myself that I’ll be fine. I tell myself that there is really no reason for me to be upset. I tell myself that I’ve got no real problems and that by telling others my ‘problems’ I would just be burdening people with things that are irrelevant and that they don’t care about.

I get upset for no reason at all.

It’s like a wave of sadness that comes crashing down right on top of me. Pulling me under the current so I can barely reach the surface to gasp for air.

It feels like I’m downing in self-pity and wallowing away feeling sorry for myself. I feel pathetic.

I hate feeling like I’m complaining about my life because I’ve got a pretty good life, so I suck it up. I tell myself to get my shit together and be a better person. I tell myself that there is nothing worth getting upset over.

I tell myself that guy was a dickhead, I tell myself he didn’t deserve my time, I tell myself he wasn’t the right person because the right person wouldn’t have just left. I tell myself that the reason I feel like shit is because of my own decisions. I tell myself that in order to be better I have to work on improving myself. I give myself constant pep talks, I tell myself that I’ll be okay I just need to work harder on being better.

I wrap up my emotions, my thoughts; I’ll pour my heart out on a piece of paper.

I’ll type until my fingers are throbbing from smashing against my keyboard, but I’ll never say the words, “no, I’m not okay” because I want to consider myself stronger than that.

I don’t want to be a burden on people because I’m sure they honestly don’t care how I’m doing. I know that it’s just a gesture, a nice and polite way to start a conversation when someone walks by.

I just keep to myself, I just beat myself up between my own two ears because to me that is easier. That is the way I operate. I’m not saying it’s healthy and I’m not saying it’s good, but it’s what I do. I let everything build, I let everything accumulate while I still pretend it isn’t there. I pretend things don’t bother me because I don’t want to ruin someone else’s happiness or good mood. I don’t want to take away from the joy of their day by bitching about mine.

So, I’ll just smile and sit there. I’ll tell you everything is okay because I know that is what you want to hear. That is what everyone wants to hear. Everyone wants to think the world is flawless and no one actually gives a genuine shit about other people’s problems because we’ve all got our own to deal with.

I want to pour my heart out about everything that’s wrong, but I won’t, don’t worry I don’t want to burden you. So yes, everything is okay. TC mark

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

“It’s just wondrous how every time I go through some emotional trauma, your posts are so relatable and it gives me so much hope. I love the writing and the photos. It’s all a pleasure to read. I can’t thank you enough for it, really.” — DM from @ThoughtCatalog Instagram follower

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