Read This If You Say ‘I’m Okay’ (And You’re Not, Really) Because You Don’t Want To Be A Burden

Aaron Anderson
Aaron Anderson

Whenever the question variation of, “are you okay?” or “what’s wrong?” comes up, I always reply with, “Nothing, I’m okay.”

Because even if I’m not feeling “okay” I blame it in a moment of weakness, I tell myself I’ll be okay in the end. I tell myself that I’ll be fine. I tell myself that there is really no reason for me to be upset. I tell myself that I’ve got no real problems and that by telling others my ‘problems’ I would just be burdening people with things that are irrelevant and that they don’t care about.

I get upset for no reason at all.

It’s like a wave of sadness that comes crashing down right on top of me. Pulling me under the current so I can barely reach the surface to gasp for air.

It feels like I’m downing in self-pity and wallowing away feeling sorry for myself. I feel pathetic.

I hate feeling like I’m complaining about my life because I’ve got a pretty good life, so I suck it up. I tell myself to get my shit together and be a better person. I tell myself that there is nothing worth getting upset over.

I tell myself that guy was a dickhead, I tell myself he didn’t deserve my time, I tell myself he wasn’t the right person because the right person wouldn’t have just left. I tell myself that the reason I feel like shit is because of my own decisions. I tell myself that in order to be better I have to work on improving myself. I give myself constant pep talks, I tell myself that I’ll be okay I just need to work harder on being better.

I wrap up my emotions, my thoughts; I’ll pour my heart out on a piece of paper.

I’ll type until my fingers are throbbing from smashing against my keyboard, but I’ll never say the words, “no, I’m not okay” because I want to consider myself stronger than that.

I don’t want to be a burden on people because I’m sure they honestly don’t care how I’m doing. I know that it’s just a gesture, a nice and polite way to start a conversation when someone walks by.

I just keep to myself, I just beat myself up between my own two ears because to me that is easier. That is the way I operate. I’m not saying it’s healthy and I’m not saying it’s good, but it’s what I do. I let everything build, I let everything accumulate while I still pretend it isn’t there. I pretend things don’t bother me because I don’t want to ruin someone else’s happiness or good mood. I don’t want to take away from the joy of their day by bitching about mine.

So, I’ll just smile and sit there. I’ll tell you everything is okay because I know that is what you want to hear. That is what everyone wants to hear. Everyone wants to think the world is flawless and no one actually gives a genuine shit about other people’s problems because we’ve all got our own to deal with.

I want to pour my heart out about everything that’s wrong, but I won’t, don’t worry I don’t want to burden you. So yes, everything is okay. TC mark

Related

More From Thought Catalog

  • http://www.viralinside.xyz/read-this-if-you-say-im-okay-and-youre-not-really-because-you-dont-want-to-be-a-burden/ Read This If You Say ‘I’m Okay’ (And You’re Not, Really) Because You Don’t Want To Be A Burden – Viral Inside

    […] Supply connection […]

  • https://erasingmemories.wordpress.com/2016/07/20/understanding-or-lack-thereof/ Understanding (or lack thereof). – Touchy feely

    […] This article describes me. […]

  • https://dearmitchbakitanosinosaanpaano.wordpress.com/2016/07/21/shared-from-wordpress-27/ Shared from WordPress | dearmitchbakitanosinosaanpaano

    […] Read This If You Say ‘I’m Okay’ (And You’re Not, Really) Because You Don’t Want To Be A Burden – https://thoughtcatalog.com/becca-martin/2016/07/read-this-if-you-say-im-okay-because-you-dont-want-to… […]

  • https://unorthodoxlynormal.wordpress.com/2016/07/23/burdening/ Burdening. – @vainerelm

    […] The feel. […]

  • https://jenessaosw.wordpress.com/2016/07/24/71/ Kintsukuroi

    […] Read This If You Say ‘I’m Okay’ (And You’re Not, Really) Because You Don’t Want To Be … […]

  • https://fightingwithmyinnerself.wordpress.com/2016/08/18/hiding-behind-a-mask/ Hiding Behind a Mask – Fighting with my Inner Self

    […] Source […]

  • https://7xwenie.wordpress.com/2016/08/22/found-something-worthy-to-read/ Found something worthy to read | Just thoughts.

    […] Read This If You Say ‘I’m Okay’ (And You’re Not, Really) Because You Don’t Want To Be … […]

  • http://fightingwithmyinnerself.tk/2016/08/18/im-okay/ “I’m okay” – Fighting with my Inner Self

    […] Source […]

  • https://thoughtcatalog.com/maria-cheena-cabuenas/2017/08/the-ugly-truth-about-being-too-nice/ The Ugly Truth About Being ‘Too Nice’ | Thought Catalog

    […] think that just because I don’t say anything, I’m okay — that I’m fine with everything. They think I can handle myself pretty well. They think […]

  • https://www.adventuresofanurse.com/2017/12/13/recognizing-signs-arent-ok/ Recognizing the Signs That You Aren't OK - Adventures of a Nurse

    […] life asking questions like, how are you?, without really waiting for a response longer than, I’m ok. The problem is, that if you spend all your time telling yourself this too, you could find yourself […]

  • https://growxnq.wordpress.com/2018/05/27/when-you-cant-be-in-crisis/ when you can’t be in crisis. | growxnq

    […] Read This If You Say ‘I’m Okay’ (And You’re Not, Really) Because You Don’t Want To Be A B… […]

blog comments powered by Disqus