It feels like you’re losing part of yourself.
It feels empty and lost, it feels sad and confusing, and it feels hopeless while still some how giving you a little ounce of hopefulness things will be okay.
You notice it when you realize you stopped spending so much time together. You slowly but surely started doing your own things. You started having your own lives filled with your own plans and goals. You stopped doing everything together, you stopped making life plans together and eventually all your plans just got lost in all the words and failed attempts you didn’t make.
It’s hard because you just want there to be a better reason you’re growing apart. You want a concrete, set in stone reason because then maybe it would make it easier, and then maybe it would make sense.
It wouldn’t leave you wondering if you could have reached out more. It wouldn’t leave you wondering if you made plans at least once a week if things would have changed. It wouldn’t leave you questioning where everything went wrong because somewhere along the lines things had to change in order to get here. It wouldn’t leave you feeling like you’ve failed the relationship, even though you didn’t.
Because you knew all along things would be different, you knew eventually things would change, you couldn’t always be right around the corner from each other, you couldn’t always hang out every night, and you couldn’t always do everything together because life would come through and change things.
When you were younger everything felt good and it felt safe, like you’d never have to think about living a day without each other. You thought you’d be inseparable, you naïvely thought things would never change, but maybe that’s just because you tried so hard to block out the reality you knew was coming.
As hard as you tried to deny that you wouldn’t let life get in the way of your relationships, you knew that it would because sometimes things just don’t work out the way you hope.
Growing apart is hard because you never imagined you would grow apart you always imagined you’d grow together.
You figured your kids would grow up to be best friends, just like you were. You swore you’d be sitting next to each other still kicking it on the front porch drinking porch beers when you’re old and gray. You swore you’d still be chasing each other around in the nursing home causing chaos. Even though these things might have been highly unlikely, you still found a comfort in believing them.
Now you see the difference in the lives you lead and you feel lost. It feels like you lost a piece of you because you did.
You lost someone who made you feel whole and alive, someone who has been there for so long through parts of everything. You’re losing someone who you thought you’d never lose, but sadly you notice them start slipping away right through your fingers.
It’s hard to move forward without part of you, but sometimes you have to. Losing a connection with someone you love is never easy, but sometimes inevitable. You can fight for them and you should fight for them, but sometimes that’s still not enough. It leaves you no other choice than to move forward on your own as hard as that may be because some relationships aren’t meant to last forever, no matter how much you wish they would.