There are an infinite number of ways to lose someone you love. It could be to disloyalty, abusive behaviour, or tragedy, or even the cold, cruel march of time, but no matter the cause, the after-effect is always the same, you feel like you are at the point of breaking and the only one who can hold you together is gone.
Finding the will to climb out of bed each morning begins to feel like an impossible task and when you turn to friends or family for support, you find their warm efforts are deafened by the voice of the one you have lost, possessing your every thought and demanding your complete attention. You believe to think of anything else would be to lose what little of them you still have, and so you cling to the sadness, you make a home of their ghost, and you wait idly by without joy, hope or purpose as days turn to weeks and weeks turn to months.
Welcome, this is rock bottom, but what you may have forgotten is that rock bottom is the foundation on which you can be remade. The truth is, all pain can be reshaped and repurposed. With the right care, all wounds will heal back more resilient than before. When the heart is shattered, you can create something beautiful from the fragments. Where there is some lesson there is never a loss.
Listen carefully to your healing, give it room to do its work. Allow yourself the space to feel grief when it calls on you to, but also permission to feel joy in those rare moments warmth returns to your heart. When you make the choice not to fight the currents of your feelings you allow them to take you where they need to and moving forward becomes a gentler process. Embrace your sadness. Meet it head on. It is a source of strength that can be drawn from and directed wherever you choose. Use it to create art, to pursue your dreams, or make a life change you’ve been neglecting. Loss will reshape you either way, but you decide what shape it leaves you in.
Remember always to move at your own pace. When you attempt to hurry yourself through a loss you don’t escape the grief, you bury it, and one day it will find a way back to the surface. Only you can know the distance of your healing and only you can know when you have arrived.
So be patient, be tender, and take your strength where you can. Listen to your sad songs when you need them and face the world when you feel brave. Your pain doesn’t have to be your prison, remember that. It can be a key to a doorway and you decide where it leads.