REAL ASS THINGS I’VE DONE BECAUSE I WAS CLINICALLY DEPRESSED
1. Lied to my friends and said I had plans on New Year’s Eve so they wouldn’t worry about me choosing to sit at home in my underwear watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer episodes on Netflix.
2. Went to the gym four times in one day.
3. Watched work out videos by YouTube fitness gurus while in bed pinching the folds of my own skin.
3. Slept the entire day; stayed awake the entire night.
4. Watched an entire season of BoJack Horseman in two days.
5. Ate an entire party sized bag of salt and vinegar chips for dinner.
6. Canceled a date because I was too tired from all that sleeping I did.
7. Canceled a date because I didn’t think there was any point in going.
8. Texted someone I didn’t even really like just because I knew he’d respond.
9. Ghosted someone I actually liked.
10. Decided on an impromptu trip because I “deserved it.” Drove 300 miles, rented an Airbnb, and then literally didn’t even leave the Airbnb. Not once.
11. Got drunk so I could sleep.
12. Googled ways to kill myself. Decided it sounded like too much work.
13. Made up random lies about myself because it made me feel better than the truth.
14. Cried until I felt woozy.
15. Felt void of emotion.
16. Asked an acquaintance if they had my ex boyfriend’s number because I wanted to call him.
17. Ordered $200 worth of clothes that ended up looking terrible on me.
18. Ate eggs and rice cakes for a month because I spent my money on a guy who treated me poorly.
19. Slept for 14 hours, ran 10 miles, and went back to bed.
20. Screamed at my dead dad’s urn for being dead.
21. Entered and won an Ebay auction of an autographed CD for a guy I was in love with who did not love me back.
22. Made up a rap alter-ego and actually thought that was a feasible career option.
23. Wrote a lot of bad poetry.
24. DMed a D-list celebrity and ended up sexting.
25. Didn’t text my friend back for days and made up a bullshit excuse as to why I took so long.
26. Booked a flight to Nashville when I couldn’t sleep.
27. Canceled the flight to Nashville when I couldn’t sleep.
28. Went to a casting call for The Bachelor.