I Know You Won’t Be The Man I Marry (But I Still Love You)

Aaron Anderson
Aaron Anderson

When I can’t sleep, I make lists of all the reasons we shouldn’t be together. My pros and cons, I stick it underneath my pillow so it will always be easy access, so the reasons this won’t work will always be right in front of me.

  1. He wants to travel the world and never have children. (I cry on plane rides and have baby names tucked away for safe-keeping)
  2. He smokes like a chimney. (I’m terrified of cancer invading the body)
  3. He says Pussy too often.
  4. He likes water sports and I’m terrible at swimming.
  5. He loves me. (And I love him even more)

Everyone says love is easy and I wonder if they’re lying or I’m just too stubborn to listen.

What happens when you’re crazy about someone who just isn’t right?

What do you do when your love is one prolonged goodbye?

We wake up in his bed and the sheets are starting to curl up off the mattress at the corners. I want to yell. STOP GIVING ME METAPHORS FOR ALL THIS COMING UNDONE. STOP SHOVING IT IN MY FACE.

This love feels like a ticking clock, but I keep resetting it to give us a little more time. I keep justifying why I don’t leave.

Maybe one day, the inevitable will seem less painful than waiting. Maybe one day, I’ll actually learn how to let go. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Ari Eastman

✨ real(ly not) chill. poet. writer. mental health activist. mama shark. ✨

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