We Asked These 15 Men To Explain What ‘I’m Not Looking For Anything Serious’ Really Means


1. “In my experience, when I’ve told a woman I’m talking to that I’m not really looking for something too serious, they either don’t believe me or they just don’t listen. They assume I’m going to change my mind. Sure, that could happen. But I know myself pretty well. If I’m telling you I don’t see this going anywhere serious, that’s that. I’m not saying it for shits and giggles.” — Joshua, 21

2. “I like you enough to occasionally get drunk and naked together. But I’m not telling my mom about you.” — Frank, 27

3. “It’s the oldest line in the book, but my job keeps me super busy. When I meet women, I make a point in telling them that right away. Nobody wants to be lead on. It’s a terrible feeling. So if I say I’m not looking for something serious, it’s because I put so much of myself and energy into my career, there isn’t a lot left-over to dedicate to a relationship. I don’t want to be unfair to anyone.” — Justin, 26

4. “It’s pretty simple. He’s not that into you. I’ve never understood why girls try to analyze something so clear. If he liked you enough, he’d want to be with you. He wouldn’t put up stipulations.”— Tristan, 31

5. “He doesn’t want to limit his options. He’s keeping the door open for people he wants to fu- uhhh, get to know, to walk through.” — Dave, 25

6. “I say that when I don’t want to hurt a girl’s feelings when I realize there’s nothing deeper there.” — Sam, 25

7. “I don’t know if this is the case for most men, but I’m really guarded when it comes to romance. I take things slow because I’ve had my heart so badly broken in the past. So usually when I say I’m not looking for something serious, it’s a defense mechanism.” — Saul, 28

8. “How is this up for debate? You say that to someone you like screwing, but that’s about it.” — Lyle, 23

9. “I’ve said that to women when I didn’t feel like being tied down. But as soon as I met the right person, that totally changed. Maybe it’s not that he’s actively looking for something serious, but trust me, when it shows up, he’ll instantly recognize it.”— Sanjit, 24

10. “He wants to have sex with you, but doesn’t imagine taking you home for the holidays. I’ve said this before (and had it said to me) and it’s the softest way of telling someone, ‘I don’t like you enough to want an actual relationship with you.'”— Dwight, 28

11. “Yeah, he likes you. But he’s pretty sure he’s capable of liking someone else more. The truth hurts, man.” — Mike, 22

12. “I don’t necessarily think saying that means he isn’t into you. I know it’s twisted, but relationships and modern dating have been reduced to power plays. It’s like whoever has the power has the control, and is the one less likely to get hurt. If he plays the ‘Not That Invested’ card first, he gets this weird power. Wow, I definitely sound like an asshole right now. But it’s true.” — Abraham, 24

13. “Nine times out of ten, he’s still hung up on an ex. Or someone else in his life. ‘Not looking for something serious’ is usually code for ‘wishing you were someone else.'” — Logan, 22

14. “He doesn’t want a future with you. Do yourself a favor and move on. It’ll end up as this never-ending cycle of wanting more, and him not willing to give more.” — Joe, 33

15. “You’re his ‘right now’ girl. Don’t be fooled into thinking something more will blossom. Men are impulsive. They act on what they want. If he wanted you, I mean fully wanted you, he wouldn’t be putting the brakes on. He’d just want you. All the way.” — Andy, 25 Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Ari Eastman

✨ real(ly not) chill. poet. writer. mental health activist. mama shark. ✨

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