35 Suuuuper Normal Thoughts To Have When They Haven’t Texted Back Yet

Keeping Up With The Kardashians
Keeping Up With The Kardashians

1. They’re probably still sleeping. Some of us need
a little longer to snooze. 3 pm isn’t THAT late.

2. Any minute now, they’ll be waking up. Mhmm. Any. Minute. Now.

3. Well, obviously their phone died and they can’t find their charger. I bet they’re in a pure panic, turning over everything in the house looking for that sneaky thing.

4. Poor thing. It sucks to lose a charger.

5. Oh wait, did I forget to press send?

6. Lol, I bet I forgot to press send. I’m such a goof sometimes :) :) :) !!!

7. Hm, nope. Looks like it sent. And was delivered.

8. UNLESS!!!!

9. Unless my phone is actually broken. Because that’s a thing that happens. You know?

10. Maybe I should call Verizon to double check.

11. Do you think something really bad happened?

12. Do you think they were kidnapped?

13. Do you think they got into a gang fight all West Side Story ish and ended up getting knifed?

14. Do you think they watched a terrible crime unfold and were immediately taken into the witness protection program?

15. Do you think they fell onto Subway tracks and are now in a comatose state?

16. God dammit, if I had been there I could have Sandra Bullock-ed them to safety.

17. I wonder if While You Were Sleeping is on Netflix.

18. I should send another text.

19. Just to let them know While You Were Sleeping is not available anymore. Get it together, Netflix.

20. Just one lil’ breezy text. It’s not a big deal.

21. Not all double texts are bad.

22. Not all double texts are created equally.

23. At this point, it’s a matter of safety. I might be the only one to realize they’ve disappeared.

24. Their life depends on me.

25. Shit, that’s a lot of responsibility.

26. Okay, I’ll send something super casual. Like, “Omg, I just ran into someone who could be your identical twin. Freaky.”

27. Yeah, that’s perfect. I’m an actual genius.

28. Still nothing.

29. THEY HATE ME.

30. I’M A GARBAGE PERSON AND EVERYTHING I DO IS TRASH.

31. Go ahead and call me Oscar the Grouch because I BELONG IN THE TRASH.

32. You know what?!?! Screw them. It’s their loss. I’m not trash. I’m a treasure.

33. Bruno Mars wrote that song about me.

34.…I’ll feel really bad if they somehow did die.

35. But dammit, I’ll look fly af at the funeral. TC mark

Ari Eastman

✨ real(ly not) chill. poet. writer. mental health activist. mama shark. ✨

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