1. They’re probably still sleeping. Some of us need
a little longer to snooze. 3 pm isn’t THAT late.
2. Any minute now, they’ll be waking up. Mhmm. Any. Minute. Now.
3. Well, obviously their phone died and they can’t find their charger. I bet they’re in a pure panic, turning over everything in the house looking for that sneaky thing.
4. Poor thing. It sucks to lose a charger.
5. Oh wait, did I forget to press send?
6. Lol, I bet I forgot to press send. I’m such a goof sometimes :) :) :) !!!
7. Hm, nope. Looks like it sent. And was delivered.
9. Unless my phone is actually broken. Because that’s a thing that happens. You know?
10. Maybe I should call Verizon to double check.
11. Do you think something really bad happened?
12. Do you think they were kidnapped?
13. Do you think they got into a gang fight all West Side Story ish and ended up getting knifed?
14. Do you think they watched a terrible crime unfold and were immediately taken into the witness protection program?
15. Do you think they fell onto Subway tracks and are now in a comatose state?
16. God dammit, if I had been there I could have Sandra Bullock-ed them to safety.
17. I wonder if While You Were Sleeping is on Netflix.
18. I should send another text.
19. Just to let them know While You Were Sleeping is not available anymore. Get it together, Netflix.
20. Just one lil’ breezy text. It’s not a big deal.
21. Not all double texts are bad.
22. Not all double texts are created equally.
23. At this point, it’s a matter of safety. I might be the only one to realize they’ve disappeared.
24. Their life depends on me.
25. Shit, that’s a lot of responsibility.
26. Okay, I’ll send something super casual. Like, “Omg, I just ran into someone who could be your identical twin. Freaky.”
27. Yeah, that’s perfect. I’m an actual genius.
28. Still nothing.
29. THEY HATE ME.
30. I’M A GARBAGE PERSON AND EVERYTHING I DO IS TRASH.
31. Go ahead and call me Oscar the Grouch because I BELONG IN THE TRASH.
32. You know what?!?! Screw them. It’s their loss. I’m not trash. I’m a treasure.
33. Bruno Mars wrote that song about me.
34.…I’ll feel really bad if they somehow did die.
35. But dammit, I’ll look fly af at the funeral.