I Found My Boyfriend’s OKCupid Profile

My boyfriend and I started dating about 10 months ago. We had previously known each other for about 10 years, and would randomly hook up throughout that time. Prior to us dating, he had tried so hard to get me to go out with him. He would tell me all the time, “I will change for you.” “You can trust me.” “I want to be in a serious committed relationship with you.” I knew of his past, so it took me a very long time, and a lot of convincing from my best friend and my mom to actually accept.

We had the picture-perfect relationship. Honestly. We would always say how lucky we were that we didn’t fight all the time like some of the couples we hung out with. We always had fun when we went out. It was amazing. But I always had it in the back of my mind how he was in the past. How does someone just change that quickly? From being a, lack of a better term, slut, to a committed relationship? Telling everyone that we were going to get married? He knew trust was an issue for me, so he always made it a point to say “you can trust me, I tell you everything.”

I eventually gave in, and let down my walls, and started to trust him. But, being the person that I am, constantly being disappointed by men, and being cheated on in a 2 year relationship, I still had one small wall up, which was hidden obviously.

Tonight, he went out with his friends with my approval, so to speak. Something felt off. It just didn’t feel right. I had a sick urge in my stomach to look through his iPad. I know, I know. Before I get sentenced to a hanging here for doing that, I already know I was in the wrong for doing that. I admit it. But it happened. My gut told me to do something, and I went with it. I never ignore that feeling.

So I went through his Facebook messages. Nothing. Checked his texts. iMessage not signed in, crap. Wait, what is this in this folder? An OKCupid app? Why would he have that? Maybe it’s an old app, or account, but let me check it anyway. I pull up the app with my hopes held so high that I wouldn’t find anything. The first thing I see is his profile picture. A recent picture from our vacation together this summer. Stomach dropping. I have no idea how this website works or how to work this stupid app, so I work my way through every tab. I get to his messages. No word of lie, messages within the past 2 days to 10 different girls. “How are you?” “Want to chat?” “You look familiar.” All things I can see him saying to jump off a conversation. Stomach dropping more. I look at the most recent message, and he had replied 6 minutes prior to me looking at the account! He was out at the bar, talking to girls on OKCupid!

My heart started racing. I began shaking uncontrollably. “I knew this would happen.” I said to myself. I had become naïve. I had become the person I said I would not become. I told him from the beginning if you ever, ever, fuck this up, there is no going back. I will not tolerate being cheated on. I immediately went into our bedroom, and packed all of his belongings. I texted him and told him everything would be on the front porch.

He came home claiming everything was “harmless” and he had done nothing wrong. He had the thought in my mind I would be dumb enough to believe him. I asked him how he felt about fucking up the best relationship he has ever been in (seriously, his relationships were horrible), and his response? “Pretty shitty.”

After about 20 minutes, he apologized, said he fucked up, and he left.

That is the end of my relationship with the person I was so sure I would spend my life with. I called my mom, and went over her house to cry on her shoulders. She’s the best mother anyone could ask for.