I know what you’re doing – I’ve done it myself a million times. It takes a dreamer to recognize one. You tell me I’m an incredible woman, and I appreciate that – but what do you really know of me? Don’t plug me into your dream girl fantasies. I am not her. In reality, I am so much more than she could ever possibly be – but I am messy and I am honest and I do not fit into your brain box.

I am not here to be what some man thinks he wants. I am here to be appreciated by the man who knows that he wants me.

You ask me questions and I can tell with every turn that my answers are not what you predicted. That’s how I know you’re building up an image in your mind, a person that I can not and will not be. Can you remain open to the real woman I am, or are you only fascinated by this mirage in your mind? I see you. I have no pretenses about what you are – I see your flaws and your strengths, and I’m not yet sure how I feel about the entire story. At least I’m aware. At least I’m honest with myself about the man I’m encountering here – I wonder if you can say the same. Perhaps you aren’t aware that you’re obsessing over some fantasy girl while I stand here in front of you in all my imperfect majesty.

Trust me. I’ve been there. I understand exactly what you’re doing. I too have loved the potential in a person without accepting the reality of who he was right then and there. There’s no point in falling for an idea. You have no guarantee that anyone will turn out to be what you hope they will be. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment – I can tell you from experience that it’s not worth it in the least.

I’ve dated men before who loved the idea of me – who plugged me into their fantasies of the perfect relationship. I realized later that it had nothing to do with me, really. I was simply the girl of the moment who could fill the gap in the fairytale in their heads. High on the rush of impetuous romance, I was too young and naive to see what was truthfully at play. Later I’d wonder if any of them cared for the real me at all.

I won’t be duped again. If you want me, approach me with clear eyes and a level head. Throw your preconceptions and prototypes out, because I won’t fit a single one of them. Consider me sexy, by all means, but know that my allure comes from understanding exactly who I am and what I desire. I may be easy-going, flexible, and kind, but do not fool yourself into thinking that you can change me or modify my behavior. I catered to the whims of other people for too many years. Take me as I am or leave me be.

I am magical in my individuality with all my quirks and idiosyncrasies and deserve better than to be categorized or normalized. It took hard work to get to a place where I know and love myself. I’ll never let a man’s idealization of my persona minimize the effort I’ve made. You may not even realize that you’re doing it, but I’m here to gently, firmly urge you – don’t fall in love with your idea of me. It’s not my responsibility to become the image of what you hope I am. It’s my responsibility to live as fiercely, authentically, and beautifully as I can manage.